


Double Sided

by virgilsanders_76



Category: Sanders Sides, Thomas Sanders
Genre: Gen, Kinda the creation of anxiety, My First AO3 Post, might be angsty
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-04-06
Updated: 2018-11-14
Packaged: 2019-04-19 05:37:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 15
Words: 28,366
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14230467
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/virgilsanders_76/pseuds/virgilsanders_76
Summary: Virgil is anxiety. Right? As he fights to shape his life as a side in Thomas' mind, Virgil notices that he might not know himself as well as he thinks he does. In an attempt to get to know himself better, Virgil finds himself in a new place, one he never thought he would be able to get to...





	1. A New Side In Town

**Author's Note:**

> Ok well this is my first ever post and I'm nervous to post it but I had to do something because I've been inspired by all the amazing stories I've been reading like "A Lesson in Practicality", "How The Angels Got Their Wings, "Death of a Violin", "Dear Happy", "New Kicks and Terrible Tricks" and "Something Bitter". All of these may or may not have some influence into my story, but regardless GO CHECK THEM OUT THEY ARE AWESOME. I'll post the first chapter I did and I'll see whether I want to do any more...

_Jeez it’s bright up here_ , thought Virgil as he opened his eyes in this strange and hazy new room. He blinked a couple times, trying to strain his eyes to see where he was. _Where am I? How did I-..._ All of a sudden a rush of memories and emotions came flooding back. Now Virgil remembered. He remembered why he was here, how he got here and where he was.  
_I made it. I can’t believe I made it…._ As all of Virgil’s memories flooded his brain, he felt his eyes closing and his knees buckling. The last thing he remembered seeing was a man standing frozen in the doorway with a terrified expression on his face, then all faded to black.

*******************

“PATTON GET IN HERE THERE’S A GUY PASSED OUT ON THE FLOOR!!” yelled Roman, frantically hopping from foot to foot, not wanting to get any closer to the man on the floor. He didn’t look human, well, it was obvious that he was human, but something didn’t look right about him. Whether it was the unhealthy paleness of his skin, or the smokey kind of black aura that was swirling around him, something made Roman hesitate. Roman was just about to step into the room when a head collided with his shoulder blades, followed by a small yelp of surprise and pain.  
“Sorry kiddo, didn’t see you there!” said Patton, as he adjusted his glasses and straightened his cardigan around his shoulders. Roman had to smile, Patton was adorable on most days, but at 7 in the morning after being yelled at to come help someone with an unconscious guy on the floor, as odd as it sounded, Patton managed to look even more adorable. With his messy brown hair, his deep blue eyes and a worried expression, Patton gently pushed past Roman and went to kneel beside the man. Roman stood anxiously behind, as Patton checked for a pulse and breathing.  
“Phew, he’s alive at least. Roman, come help me get him onto the couch.” ordered Patton, immediately taking on his dad instinct and taking over the situation. Roman, still in a state of shock, didn’t respond for a second, then he snapped out of it and scrambled to help Patton.  
“I seem to be missing a lot of information as to why there is a man currently unconscious on our couch, and would gladly receive any attempt to enlighten me…” a monotone voice startled the two sides sitting on the floor. Patton looked up and saw Logan looking slightly bemused, leaning against the doorway, a book held forgotten in his hand.  
“Oh Logan! I didn’t see you come in, and as to this guy…” Patton pointed to the dark figure draped dramatically on the couch, “We’re not too sure about him either! Do you know anything Roman? You were here first..” Roman was staring intently at the man, he was watching his chest rise and fall, he was tracing the outline of his cheekbones in his mind and trying to picture the colour of his eyes, _black maybe? It would definitely match his aesthetic…_ “Oh! Um… well all I know is that I was walking downstairs to make breakfast and get started on ideas for Thomas, and I saw this guy appear, and then he suddenly passed out! Then I called for Patton and, well, you know the rest…” Roman was transfixed by the man’s face, how it was so pale and thin, but also so- so… _handsome?_ Roman shook his head, trying to focus on the present situation. Patton leaned forward and put a hand on the man’s shoulder, saying “Hello? Anyone in there? You gave us all such a scare…” The man’s eyelids flickered, his breathing quickened and then his eyes shot open. All three sides leapt back as the mystery guy struggled to sit up. Roman watched as the man’s head lifted to look around, and he finally got to look at him right in the eyes. _Purple. His eyes are the most beautiful things I’ve ever seen in my life, with flecks of grey and silver…_ Roman finally realised he was staring right at the man, who was staring right back with a mix of confusion and fear. He quickly looked down at his feet, and felt his face burning with embarrassment. Patton broke the silence, saying “kiddo, can you hear me?” the man nodded slowly, looking down into his lap. “Great! Ok so my name is Patton, but you can call me dad!” Patton introduced himself. “And this is Logan and Roman!” He gestured to his fellow sides.  
“Could you tell us your name kiddo?” Patton asked sweetly. The man shrank into the couch, he seemed to be debating something, what it was, the three guys didn’t ask. After a couple of minutes, the man spoke up.  
“M- my n- n- name is…. A- a- anxiety.” The three men shared a look. _Anxiety? That’s not a name…. That sounds more like- like a-..... No. no way…._ Roman looked up at Anxiety, and heard Logan voice exactly what Roman had just thought. “Surely that isn’t your name, it sounds more likely to be, a description?” The man nodded, “y- yeah, it’s n- not my name, b- but I don’t have to tell you because I don’t want to.” The man’s voice became clearer and less shaky, as he lifted his head up to face Patton’s. “All you need to know right now is that I am Anxiety, and I am Thomas’ new side.”


	2. Sorting some things out

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The sides show Anxiety around.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I finished writing this chapter really quickly, and I tried to use the tips and techniques I'd seen and had suggested to me, I hope you like it <3

A heavy, overwhelming silence swept over the sides. They were all in shock. _A new side? That hasn’t happened in years and- wait- weren’t we meant to know when that happened? Like, weren’t we meant to feel it?_ Roman had so many questions, but he knew now wasn’t the time. All that mattered right now was making sure this side was ok, and that he felt secure.  
“Well, kiddo, if you’re our newest addition to the family, let’s get you to your room and settle you in!” Patton gestured to the black wooden door that had appeared in the hallway where the other sides’ rooms were.

*******************

Virgil couldn’t believe it. He was actually here. He struggled to his feet and he allowed Patton to help him to his room. _Huh,_ thought Virgil, _I never got anything to myself where I came from, I either shared it or borrowed it…_ They had reached Virgil’s room. It had a strange aura coming from it, not unlike the one around Virgil now.

“Kiddo? You okay?” Patton asked, noticing the shiver that ran over Virgil.

“Y- yeah, I’m just…. Not used to this…” Virgil replied. He took a step forward, placing his hand on the door handle. _Breathe Virgil, you can do this. You have to. You don’t want to be found out and be sent back…_

“I believe it is the normality to feel hesitations when experiencing something for the first time.” Said Logan, in a matter-of-fact voice, breaking through Virgil’s train of thought. “I can assure you, we have all been subject to your current situation in the past, and I’m sure we can all say that there is nothing to worry about.”

Virgil nodded, and took a deep breath, ready for whatever could be on the other side of this door… his door. He turned the handle and pushed. A gush of cold air rushed past the sides, sending shivers through all of them. Virgil closed his eyes and stepped into the room.  
_Well this is kinda cool… I like the atmosphere of this place, compared to my last ‘bedroom’, this could actually work…_

“Kiddo are you alright?” Virgil heard Patton’s worried voice echo around the walls of his room.

“Yeah I’m fine Patton…” Virgil opened his eyes and noticed the room was completely empty.

“Is my room meant to be empty?” Virgil inquired to nobody in particular… _Oh no have I done something wrong? Was there meant to be things in here? They’re all going to be so suspicious…_

“Yeah it is, you can either keep it that way and live in darkness or you can do what we all learned to do, conjure it all up. Have a go, just think of something you want in your room now… and it will appear!” Explained Roman.

Virgil absorbed this information slowly, thinking it through, and decided that he wanted a bed. _I’ve seen one before, but I never got one…_ Virgil thought hard, trying to visualise a sleek black bed, with a silver frame that had swirly patterns engraved into it, and a big mattress with a dark galaxy style duvet. As soon as he had completed his thought, Virgil saw the exact bed he had imagined, right in front of him. _Woah this is cool._

“Wow kiddo, that’s so cool!” Patton exclaimed, voicing Virgil’s thoughts almost exactly.

“Yeah, you’ve got good style, in your dark, emo, way…” Added Roman _What am I saying? He must hate me! I’m surely insulting him…_

“Additional declaration of positive comments.” Finished Logan.

“Huh, I guess so…” Replied Virgil, tugging at his black hoodie.

“Alright kiddo, how about we play a game? We can get to know you a bit more and you can get to know us!!” Suggested Patton, almost bouncing in anticipation.

“Uhh…” Virgil hesitated, trying to balance his options, _I could join their game, and find out more about them, or I can stay here and add to my room while I get used to being here..._

“I would like to take the opportunity to state that you will have plenty of time to sort out your room and become accustomed to living here, Anxiety.” Logan had practically read Virgil’s mind.

“O- ok… I’ll join you.” Virgil turned away from the group huddled in his doorway, “I’ll be down in a second.”.

“Okey dokey kiddo! See you in a few!” Patton almost floated down stairs, he was so excited that he had another side to take care of and love.

Virgil watched as the sides headed downstairs, talking excitedly. He wondered to himself, _Maybe I can do this, maybe I can fit in…_ He quickly conjured a mirror, and looked at himself. Two purple eyes stared back, they looked like two amethysts set into marble because his face was so white. He had dark circles around his eyes from the lack of sleep he had been getting these past few days. 

Virgil felt a wave of dizziness wash over him, he put his hands against the wall to steady himself. He looked up again. _Oh no…. No no no!_ Virgil’s image had changed, his purple eyes had disappeared, replaced by shining pools of black. There was a greyish shadow creeping across his face and his hair was quickly turning jet black. _No. I will not let this happen. I am not the side you made me be. You can’t control me. I won’t let you!_ Virgil closed his eyes and willed the image in the mirror to go away, for the memory of that place to be forgotten. A shooting pain pierced his forehead, making him gasp in agony. But then as soon as it had began, it was gone. Virgil let out the breath he didn’t know he was holding and opened his eyes again. His normal, purple eyed self looked back at him. His dark brown hair, a little messy, hung over his face, his face pale as ever.

“Ok, I got this. My name is Anxiety. At least, it is to the others. For now. I am going to go downstairs and try to smile. There is nothing wrong with me, I am not the side I was.” Virgil whispered to himself before shuffling out of his room and downstairs to join the others.

As he walked, Virgil couldn't help but think, _But if I’m not who I was, who am I now?_


	3. Who are you meant to be?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The sides play a "getting to know you" game. Virgil has a revelation.

Virgil hesitated in the doorway, hiding behind the door frame. He watched the others laughing about something. Patton was giggling, he must have told a joke. Roman was laughing a little too dramatically, but Virgil guessed it wasn’t unusual for Roman to be dramatic, as he wore a princely jacket with gold lace and a flowing red sash. _He definitely pulls off the casual but dashing prince style…_ Virgil shook his head. _...but nobody would ever like me, let alone a prince…_ Virgil scanned the other side in the room. He looked… stiff, uptight, robotic. He was wearing a mildly amused look on his face, but other than that, the side was completely emotionless.

“Anxiety! Come on in, we made hot chocolate!” Called Patton from his place on the couch.

_Remember, don’t give anything away or you’re dead… perhaps literally this time…_

Virgil nodded and went to stand awkwardly in front of the three sides sat comfortably close on the couch.

“Aren’t you going to join us?” Roman smirked as he looked the… well, anxious side up and down. His smile immediately dropped as the poor side flinched as he noticed that everyone’s attention was now on him. Roman wanted to get up and hug him, but that would be breaking his prestigious rules, rule one being ‘remember that you are better than everybody and they don’t deserve your time’. Instead he gestured to the empty seat, saying “well come on, let’s start this game before Patton explodes!”

“That is absolutely impossible, Roman, it is physically and biologically impossible for a human to spontaneously detonate, let alone a figment of someone’s personality…” Logan started.

“Ok kiddos, let’s all calm down here, no need for any EXPLOSIVE tempers this early…” Patton sniggered.

Virgil had to chuckle as he edged toward the seat Roman had pointed out. It was definitely entertaining to watch these three sides trade insults and puns. He wished he could have escaped from his old ‘home’ sooner, or that he could have at least known about these sides sooner, it would have given him a lot more hope… 

“Anxiety? You ok buddy?” Virgil looked up and realised the sides had stopped bickering and were all looking at him. _Oh no I must have looked a right weirdo… they’re gonna hate me...._

“Yeah I’m fine… so, about that game?” Virgil accepted the hot chocolate that was shoved into his hands and readied himself for ‘interrogation’.... _probably._

“Ok ok me first!! Um….. so as you know, my name is Patton, and I represent Thomas’ morality, I’m the core of most of his feelings, but mostly I’m a dad!” Patton announced joyfully.

“So, you basically encourage Thomas to do the right thing, and you’re also an emotional father?” Virgil summarised.

“Yup, that’s me! Ok Logan next!” Patton confirmed gleefully.

The side looked up from his book that he was reading, looking faintly confused.

“Oh! Well, I am Logan, I represent Thomas’ logic and all the knowledge he has ever obtained. I assure you, I am a serious person, all business, because as you can see, I wear a necktie.” The side coughed lightly and adjusted said tie.

“So you’re basically the omniscient god of neckties and long words?” Virgil joked, earning a laugh from the other two sides. Logan pushed his glasses up his nose and said “If that is how you will remember it, then yes, that is my role.” The others laughed harder, even Virgil cracked a smile.

“Ok ok enough chit chat, my turn!” Sang Roman. He smoothed his sash and ran a hand smoothly through his hair.  
“Alright everyone, I’m Roman, I represent Thomas’ creativity, ideas and passion! I love theatre and disney, and that’s pretty much it. I’m a simple man…” Roman struck a dramatic pose.

“Redundant, but still somehow accurate.” Mused Logan, who was actually lost in thought about how Roman could be right but so wrong at the same time...

Virgil hummed as he took in all this new information. _So we have Logic, Morality and Creativity. The main three. They didn’t need me before, so why do I think I can fit in now?_

“Kiddo, what about you? Why don’t you tell us a bit about yourself?” Patton suggested hopefully.

“Well,” Started Virgil. “I am Anxiety.” _How do I tell them about myself when I don’t even know who I want to be?_ Virgil took a deep breath. _Well, there’s only one thing I can do… wing it._

“Ok. I am Anxiety, I am the side that... protects Thomas. I can make him… think through every possible outcome of a situation. Yes, I may be scary and intimidating at some times, but that’s the only way I get people to listen to me.” Virgil breathed out, relieved that he was able to deliver multiple coherent sentences without crumbling under the pressure and attention on him.

“Aww kiddo, that’s so cool! You’re such a selfless person, wanting to protect Thomas at all costs!” Patton practically squealed.

“Yes, you definitely exert an… atmosphere over all of us…” Tried Roman.

“I agree. You seem to have thoughtful and mindful intentions.” Logan added.

“Uh… thanks.” Virgil mumbled. He downed the hot chocolate that he had momentarily forgotten about, which had turned luke warm.

“I’d best be going, I want to… er... sort my room out. This was…. fun, we should do it again sometime.” Virgil smiled as Patton’s whole face lit up.

“Aww, anytime, kiddo! Call us if you need any help!” Patton turned to the others. “Now, who’s washing up?”

As Virgil leapt up the stairs two at a time so as not to get called back to help with any chores, he kept thinking about what he had said earlier. _I am Anxiety, I am the side that... protects Thomas. I can make him… think through every possible outcome of a situation. Yes, I may be scary and intimidating at some times, but that’s the only way I get people to listen to me._ As he collapsed onto his new bed, Virgil suddenly realised.

“I wasn’t lying. That was the truth. That’s who I am now. Who I’m meant to be.”


	4. Storm of Emotions

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry for not posting anything for ages I've been so busy and I had a short writer's block... But I hope to post another chapter asap... and thank you all for the kind comments! <3

It had been a few weeks since Anxiety’s appearance and the shock had finally worn off the sides. They began to establish a routine, Patton always got up early to make breakfast, Logan strolled in usually about halfway through Patton’s breakfast making, and Roman always found a dramatic and funny way to announce his arrival to the table. Once he even came in carrying Anxiety, who was clinging to Roman’s shirt for dear life, saying “I see you have provided breakfast, Patton, well, I have brought the creepy cookie!”. While Patton fell about laughing at the horrible joke, Logan smirked but was more concerned about Anxiety who looked like he was actually going to commit murder. Anxiety himself usually slipped in exactly as Patton was serving the food, that is, if he was either awake or not being thrown into the room by Roman.

This time however, it was raining. Logan, who was more interested in his book, wasn’t bothered by the noise as he walked into the living room, but he immediately looked up as he noticed the usual hum and clatter coming from the kitchen was non-existent. He walked over, confused as to where Patton might be, but his confusion was resolved as he heard a loud crash and a bright light coming from outside.

“Ah, I see the problem here.” Logan muttered as he turned on his heel and headed up to Patton’s room. After respectfully knocking twice and listening intently for any sound of consent to enter the room, Logan edged his way into Patton’s cluttered bedroom.

“H- hi Logan, is everything o- okay?” Logan looked around the room, searching for the source of Patton’s voice, eventually locating it coming from a mound of pillows and blankets on Patton’s bed. 

“I am perfectly adequate, Patton, I am here to enquire about your well being, given the current-” *crash* “-weather conditions.” Logan walks over to the bed, and sees Patton’s face poking out from under a blanket, absolutely terrified.

“I- i’m ok kiddo, just a little on edge… you know how it is with these storms…” Patton let out a small nervous giggle. 

“Well, if there is anything I can do for you, please do not hesitate to ask. I will be in my-” Logan stopped as he heard a big crash of thunder accompanied by a small thud coming from along the corridor. Patton’s head poked out from his pile of pillows.

“Was that…?” Patton and Logan simultaneously raced out into the corridor in which all the sides’ rooms were located. They both knew where that noise had come from.

“What’s going on? Where’s the danger? I shall vanquish whatever is troubling you all!” Roman leapt out of his room, still in his princely PJ’s with a sword in his hand.

“Shhh, it’s Anxiety…. I think?” Patton whispered, while tip-toeing over to the anxious sides’ door.

Roman lowered his sword, his confident expression quickly melting into worry. “What? What about him? Is he hurt?” 

“No, but we just heard a loud crash coming from his room, and we’re worried.” Patton was at Anxiety’s door now, and he knocked politely on the door while trying to listen for any sounds inside.

“Anxiety? Is everything ok in there? Can we come in? Patton didn’t wait for an answer, he slowly opened the door and stepped inside.

*******************

Virgil was terrified. He and the sides were on a boat with Thomas and his friends, Joan and Talyn. Everything had been going well, Thomas was enjoying himself, until Thomas tripped over some ropes in the bottom of the boat and fell into the sea. For Virgil, everything seemed to go in slow motion. Thomas resurfaced and yelled out, but a gust of wind caught the boat’s sails and his friends were swept away. As Thomas struggled to stay above the surface, Virgil went into hyperdrive. Every drop of water that splashed against Thomas’ face felt like a burning drop of lava. Every movement Thomas made felt like he was in thick wet sand. As Thomas and the sides began to fall into a state of unconsciousness, Virgil vaguely remembered noticing the sky breaking open with a mighty crash, and rain falling down in buckets, then everything faded to black.

Virgil jolted awake as he heard a massive crash outside his room. He struggled with his bedsheets in a feeble attempt to escape his dream that he feared was becoming a reality, and in doing so, fell off the edge of his bed with a muffled squeak.

As he lay there, breathing heavily and drenched in sweat, Virgil had time to take in his surroundings. He was in his room, on the floor, and it was fairly dark. _It must be morning._ Virgil looked over to the small window in his room, and flinched as he heard another crack of what he determined as thunder. _Oh great. Now the others will have heard me fall and they’ll all come and see that I’m scared of storms. Just great._

“Anxiety? You in there kiddo?” Virgil heard Patton’s voice echoing around his room.

Virgil looked up to see the worried face of Patton poking around his door. He noticed how Patton’s face strangely mirrored his own feelings, and made a note to try and find out what was bothering him later.

“Anxiety? You ok buddy? Did you have a bad dream?” Patton stepped fully into Virgil’s room and moved towards him, offering a tentative hand.

Virgil closed his eyes briefly, _It was just a nightmare. It wasn’t real. I am in my room, Patton is here, there’s a storm outsi- WAIT WHAT OH GOD THERE’S A STORM..._

“Uh… I… well, it- it’s stupid…” Virgil started, beginning to shiver.

“I am certain that whatever information you are about to convey to us, will be entirely valid and important, be assured that we will take it seriously.” Logan had stepped into the room, followed closely by Roman, who for some reason was carrying a sword. _Wow. Typical._

“W- well, you s- see, I…. I’m afraid of storms!” Virgil blurted out, letting out a deep breath.

“Aww kiddo, so am I! There’s nothing to worry about, at least that’s what Logan keeps on telling me, but how about we all go and huggle in the living room and wait it out together?” Patton’s soothing, calm voice cut through Virgil’s worried thoughts.

“What is a… ‘huggle’?” Logan asked to Roman as Patton helped Anxiety up and gathered up some of his pillows.

“I believe it is Patton’s… er... eccentric fusion of the words ‘hug’ and ‘huddle’.” Roman explained as he ducked out of Anxiety’s room.

As the sides all headed to the living room, stopping just to collect some pillows and blankets from each sides’ room, Virgil looked at Patton. He noticed how Patton flinched every time there was even a hint of thunder or lightning, Virgil noticed how he jumped at every crash and flash. Patton was definitely more scared than Virgil. 

_How ironic. I’m anxiety but I’m helping Patton stop being scared… Just pathetic._

They had reached the living room. Logan headed straight to the couch and reached for his book.

“Ah, ah Logan. This is family time. No reading! We’re all gonna do something together!” Patton instructed Logan who begrudgingly put the book away and moved closer to the group, but only with slight grumbling.

Roman, on the other hand, had already built the sturdy foundation for a pillow castle, and had placed Anxiety on the top with space for Patton next to him. 

“Alright, we have our honorary kings for a day in place! Your humble subjects are at your command! Will it be hot chocolate and Black Cauldron, your majesties?” Roman swept into a deep bow and with great effort, pulled Logan into a bow too.

“Ooh yes please!” Patton giggled at the humorous generosity of the noble prince and his scruffy but adorable sidekick.

“Yeah ok, thanks...” Virgil smirked at Roman’s attempt at being what he called ‘humble’. He shot Patton a knowing look that said ‘you and I both know we’re gonna be kicked out of this castle before the first movie is even finished’. Patton returned the look with a small smile, but quickly buried his head under Virgil’s arm as another crash of thunder seemed to roll through the living room.

As the movie started and the drinks were distributed, Virgil looked around at the sides that were quickly becoming his friends. His gaze lingered on Patton, who was curled up pretty much on his lap at this point, his breathing slow and rhythmical. It calmed Virgil as he heard Patton’s smooth, relaxed breaths. He was glad that he had at least managed to calm Patton today.

(Time skip to the evening)

As the end credits of the fifth movie (Moana) were coming to an end, Virgil glanced around the room once more. Logan was sprawled on the couch, glasses off, fast asleep and snoring lightly. Roman was curled up like a cat, and was purring slightly as he snored. Lastly, Virgil looked down and saw Patton snuggled into the crook of his armpit and also fast asleep.

Virgil carefully removed Patton’s glasses, and as he was doing so, he noticed that the storm had passed. _Wow. We literally all spent the day sitting in the living room and watching disney films. Awesome._

The last thing Virgil thought of as he drifted into a peaceful, happy sleep, was how lucky he was to have such kind and accepting friends.


	5. Roman on the edge of disaster...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Roman was always one for dramatic entrances and exaggerated actions. Everything he did was over the top and extravagant. The sides had got used to that part of Roman years ago. Anxiety had taken some time, but it had been a year now since he was added to the odd mix of sides, and he too was now immune to Roman’s majestic movements.
> 
> However, there was a side to Roman that he tried to never show anyone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Be warned: This chapter gets kinda angsty and contains details of panic attacks so please beware if you are upset by that content (don't worry I added some fluff)
> 
> This was... interesting to write.

Roman woke up feeling… different. He couldn’t quite place the feeling. He felt like he wasn’t completely in control of his actions, but at the same time, he was. It was an odd feeling.

Roman shook his head and tried to clear it of any negative thoughts. _I have to pull myself together. I can’t let the others see me like this…_

Roman froze as he heard a familiar knock on the door. _Oh no… I overslept?! I never oversleep, the others will know for sure something is wrong…_

“Kiddo? Are you feeling ok? Are you ill buddy? Do you want pancakes in bed with extra sprinkles an-” Roman quickly cut Patton’s bouncy, cheerful voice off, and tried to put a deep, regal tone into his voice.

“I am perfectly ok Patton, there is no need to worry! I am just… not feeling hungry today! I’ll be downstairs later...” Roman cringed as his deep and regal voice came out weak and helpless.

“Okey dokey kiddo! I’ll bring some food up later if you want?” Patton tried, already knowing the answer.

“No thanks Patt, I’ll get something later!” Roman collapsed back onto his bed as he heard Patton’s light footsteps skip downstairs. He wondered why he couldn’t just tell Patton why he wasn’t coming downstairs. He was almost certain Patton already knew. Patton had seen him like this before, once. He wished he could’ve talked to Patton, tell him what he was feeling, but he couldn't. He couldn’t show his weaker side to anyone, not even Patton. 

Roman got up from his bed and walked slowly over to his mirror. It was a massive mirror, with lights around it that gave it a dressing room style look. Roman placed his hands tentatively onto his table and looked into the mirror.

What he saw was an ugly, messy wreck staring back at him. Roman couldn’t bear to look into that face, his face, anymore. He stumbled over to a corner of his room and curled up. A sob racked through his body. Roman could feel something growing in his chest, building up and changing. Suddenly there was a snap in Roman’s mind and a rush of emotion flooded his head, he felt fear, sadness, helplessness, worthlessness.

_I can’t do this now, the others are expecting me to plan a video today I can’t let them down… I need to- I need… I…_

The last thing Roman remembered as he slipped into a state of unconsciousness, was the pitch black shadow that was slowly enveloping his vision, and feeling a weakness spreading through his body.

****************  
Virgil had a spring in his step as he headed out of his room, he was in a good mood for once.

Virgil absent mindedly checked the time as he walked past the other sides’ rooms, it was 11:30, Patton would be hard at work in the kitchen making breakfast, Logan had probably just headed downstairs, and Roman was either waiting to ambush him and carry him downstairs _which is actually quite fun, I kinda like it…_ , or he had already got his usual dramatic entrance out of the way.

_Huh, that’s weird. I can’t hear Roman’s disney playlist that he refuses to stop playing… for that matter I can’t hear his loud voice from the kitchen either… maybe I’ll go check on him…_ Virgil’s curiosity led him to stand outside Roman’s door.

Virgil’s first thoughts were that something was definitely wrong. No disney playlist, not even a disney movie. No light shining under the door, not a sound was heard from the creative side’s room. These were all things Virgil had gotten used to and had eventually grown to like about Roman. His confidence, passion, and artistic ideas inspired Virgil to be happier every day. But now, Virgil was very worried. He knocked on Roman’s door, silently pleading for it to be thrown open and Roman to leap out with a mischievous smile on his face and sweep Virgil off his feet…

Silence. 

“R- Roman? Are you in there?” Virgil was really worried now. What had happened to the resident royal?

Virgil slowly pushed open the door, and was greeted with a horrific sight.

Roman was sat in the furthest corner from his door, curled into a tight ball, rocking slightly. His face was almost unrecognisable, it was distorted with emotion and shadow. 

_Wait, shadows? Roman’s room is basically the sun, how can it have shadows?_ Virgil was confused and scared, the atmosphere in this room was all too familiar...

Virgil stepped completely into the room and closed the door. Now there was no light from the hallway, Virgil could make out a distinct shadow coming from Roman and slowly spreading across the whole room.

As Virgil edged towards Roman, he looked him over. Rapid, uneven breathing. Sweating, shaking and blank expression. Virgil knew those signs all too well. 

“Roman.” Virgil fought to keep the stutter and worry out of his voice. “Roman if you can hear me, you need to listen to what I say, ok? This is Virgil, you are in the corner of your room and it is about…” Virgil checked the time, “11:34.” 

Virgil reached out to Roman, who didn’t even seem to recognise that someone else was in the room. He gently took Roman’s hand, and while he ignored the strange warm feeling in his chest, he put it against his own heart.

“Roman, I want you to try and look at me ok?” Virgil added volume and a Pattonesque father tone to his voice. Roman flinched at the sound and seemed to snap out of his thoughts. However this only meant his breathing increased and became even more frantic.

“Roman.” Virgil had got his own breathing under control and looked directly at the hyperventilating side. Roman kept breathing unevenly for a bit longer but eventually turned his head to look up at Virgil.

“That’s good. Ok Roman, I want you to breathe with me, count my heartbeats in your head, and whatever you do, don’t stop looking at me.” Virgil commanded softly.

The two sat there for a while, just looking at each other. Eventually Roman got a hold of his breathing and Virgil noticed how he had relaxed slightly. He put a hand gently on Roman’s own chest and felt his heartbeat. It was still frantic and fast paced. Roman was still staring into Virgil’s eyes, with a terrified look in them. He didn’t seem able to speak.

Virgil did the only other thing he could think of at that moment. He wrapped Roman into a protective, warm and ever so slightly awkward hug. He rested his face on Roman’s shoulder and whispered into his ear.

“Roman, whatever you are going through right now, just know that it will pass, and things can and will get better. You will get through this, I know you will. Keep fighting. We all care about you, Patton, Logan, Thomas and me. Don’t ever think you aren’t good enough, or you aren’t working hard enough to feel that you deserve to be with us. You are passionate with everything you do. You inspire all of us every day by just being creative, confident, funny, by just being yourself. That’s what we love about you. What- what I love about you…” Virgil broke off, knowing that Roman had heard what he had said.

Virgil felt Roman relax into his arms and Virgil felt his heartbeat as it slowly but steadily decreased back to normal. Virgil just closed his eyes and sat with Roman. _For as long as he needs me, I will stay._

A short while later, Virgil opened his eyes and checked the time. _Wow, 6:15pm? We’ve been here for hours… not that I particularly mind…_

He slowly lifted his head, so as to not disturb Roman, and looked at the creative side. His breathing and heartbeat we’re back to regular patterns, his eyes were closed and he was now completely relaxed into Virgil.

_Ok big guy, let’s get you somewhere more comfortable… how about your bed?_ Virgil maneuvered himself so he was facing Roman, who now had his head on Virgil’s chest. Virgil scooped his arms under Roman’s legs and back, and lifted him up with ease.

As Virgil carefully laid the sleeping prince on his bed, Virgil noticed the ‘sleeping prince’s’ eyelids flutter, and his face curled into a small smile.

“You are remarkably strong, for a side so small and thin... “ Roman whispered in a small, raspy voice.

“What do I say, it runs in the family?” Virgil joked, as he sat lightly on the end of Roman’s bed.

Roman let out a small snort, and let his head fall back onto his pillow. He still felt scared, alone and helpless, but Anxiety’s words stuck with him. All of a sudden, he didn’t feel so alone anymore, and a warm, safe feeling started to creep into his chest, replacing the fear.

Virgil looked around Roman’s room. While it was still physically the same room, there was a glitchy, hazy shadow hanging around it. Virgil knew what it was, having experienced it countless times before, in his room and… elsewhere.

“Uh Ro…?” Virgil asked as innocently as he could. “What’s this shadow in your room? Your room is usually sunshine and sparkles… what happened?”

Roman took a deep, shaky breath before answering. “You see, I am creativity. I have a very vivid and visual imagination. I find it easier to plan things when my thoughts, feelings and sometimes emotions are represented in a physical form. I mostly keep my planning and idea forming to the dreamscape, the place where I can create dreams for Thomas, and I can let my imagination run wild safely. However, as all my thoughts, feelings and emotions take physical form, that means the good ones and the bad ones. This morning I awoke in a less than fabulous mood, and my mind subconsciously created a physical representation of my feelings. In other words, that shadow is my fear.” Roman finished.

Virgil tried to ignore the horrible shiver that ran through his body as he listened to Roman’s explanation. This description was all too familiar to him, as in a way, he had that ability too, but only with negative emotions.

“Ok then.” Virgil tried to fully process what he was hearing, and could sense a plan forming in his head, he just had to make sure… “Can you tell me what this shadow did to you once it had formed? Did it physically affect you? Are you hurt?”

Roman sighed. He knew he had to tell Anxiety, there was no other way.

“Well, I first noticed it just as I fell over into the corner. I felt weak, vulnerable, scared. I think I must have passed out because when I woke up, I could hardly see or hear anything it was so dark and silent from the smokey shadow that had built up. The next thing I knew I heard loads and loads of whispers in my ear, saying… things. T- th- they said stuff like… ‘you’re worthless’, ‘you work too hard to deserve the others’, ‘no one cares about you’... it was all my worries, insecurities and fears being told to me. I tried shutting them out, but nothing worked, as I realise now that the voices were inside my head so they were inescapable. And then you found me. You helped me calm down, and you brought hope and calm back to me. But as you can clearly see, my fear is still present…”

Roman finished his explanation and immediately felt a rush of relief and calm wash over him. It felt good to finally open up, to talk about his worries and not be judged by them.

Virgil stood up abruptly. Without saying anything to Roman, he walked over to the corner they were both just sat in and faced the majority of the ominous shadow that was still growing ever so slightly. It was almost pitch black now and deep purple glitches were becoming more frequent.

_It seems that while Roman is calm now, he still believes his… fears… I know what I have to do. I just hope I can conceal… it._

Virgil held out his arms, ignoring the concerned protests from Roman. He felt the same cold feeling wash over him and he closed his eyes.

All Roman could do was watch as the shadow mist began to swirl around Anxiety, it became so intense that Roman could hardly see him through the thick black density and purple glitching of the shadow.

As Roman became increasingly worried, Anxiety suddenly opened his eyes, which were glowing bright white now, and the shadow seemed to be sucked into them.

A few seconds passed, and all was calm again. Anxiety was still standing in the corner, his arms held out to his sides. He seemed to be swaying from the effort of remaining standing.

“A-anxiety? Are you… ok?” Roman didn’t want to admit it, but right then, he was scared of Anxiety. The darker side seemed to emit a cold, dark aura, and as he dropped his arms back down and turned around, Roman yelped and shuffled backwards.

“Anxiety! Your eyes! What happened to them?” Roman squeaked, as he looked into pools of dark, black, emptiness.

Virgil mentally cursed himself for not remembering that his eyes would look this way. _Darn, I should have realised. Now Roman will be suspicious…_ He blinked a couple times and he felt the rest of the cold melt away from his eyes.

“Sorry Roman, that is… an… unfortunate side effect of my abilities..” Virgil phrased carefully.

“H- how did you do that? You just… absorbed all the shadows! And even weirder…” Roman realised that he wasn’t feeling anxious or scared anymore… “I feel fine now! What did you do?”

Virgil sighed. This was going to be tough…

“Well, you see, err… Being a side to Thomas, as you also know, we each have different kinds of… special abilities… right?” Virgil sincerely hoped this was the case. He internally sighed with relief as Roman nodded quickly, implying that he should continue his explanation.

“So, my ability, is… controlling… er, negative… emotions…” _Well… technically yeah…_

Roman gasped in amazement. “So.. you… got rid of my fears?” He questioned.

“Basically, yeah…” Virgil concluded as he collapsed back down on to Roman’s king size bed.

“So, just for clarity and stuff, you were scared that you didn’t deserve us? That you weren’t needed? That nobody actually cared about you?” Virgil asked tentatively.

Roman sighed nodding. “I guess so, I mean, I suppose that you being Anxiety, you already knew exactly what I was scared of, so you knew what to say earlier…” 

Virgil sensed Roman tensing up again, and decided for the second time today, to take a long journey out of his comfort zone.

“Ok Roman, listen to me. You are creativity. You are Thomas’ passion, hopes and dreams. You inspire him, the others and myself everyday to be better people. You bring out the best in everyone. I- I couldn’t imagine a world without you. I care about you. We all care about you. If anything, we don’t deserve you and don’t forget it.” Virgil found it easier to tell Roman how he felt this time, and then he realised… _Because it’s true. I do care about him. I really do…_

Roman could feel happy tears threatening to spill, and he felt a deep, burning urge to hug the small, anxious side. Protect him at all costs. _Because he is precious. He deserves so much more than what he gets. I wish he would let us in instead of hiding away in his room…_

A few moments passed, the two sides lying side by side in contented silence, each lost in their own thoughts. Eventually, Virgil got up to go back to his room; it was getting late. He stopped, however, as he felt a spike of emotions… _hmmm… is that… worry mixed with a hint of panic and a good sprinkling of… ugh. Fear…_

Virgil turned around to see Roman’s face looking hopefully at him with a slight pout.

“W- will you… stay.. W- with… me? Just for tonight?” Roman stuttered out of nervousness of partly being left alone, but also from embarrassment by asking Anxiety to stay with him.

Virgil could feel a burning sensation creeping into his pale cheeks. Part of him was practically screaming at him to get out of the creative side’s room and get back into his familiar comfort zone, but the other, lesser known soft side to him was telling him to stay and support Roman in his insecure mental state. _I should think he would do the same for me… so I must return the favour…_

Virgil nodded silently and sat back down on the top of Roman’s bed, he smoothed out his hoodie and shirt, then lay down, snuggling into the pillows on Roman’s bed. _Hmm… lavender and… candyfloss? I didn’t think that would work… but Roman always manages to surprise me…_

Virgil turned over to see Roman looking at him, almost… lovingly? _No… Roman doesn’t… I mean… he shouldn’t… uhh… maybe I misread him…_

“Your bed sure is big…” Virgil cringed at the slight awkwardness, but carried on regardless.

“Yeah, I move around a lot in my sleep, so I just decided to upsize. It’s great for making pillow forts with Patton, and planning for videos with Logan…. And now it seems to be great for… sleeping. With you…” Roman knew he was blushing as he said that last sentence. _That came out so so so wrong… He’s gonna hate me…_

To Roman’s surprise, Virgil smirked. “Huh, yeah… I suppose you should get to the sleeping part of that then…” 

“Yeah…” Roman and Virgil both turned away from each other, both blushing furiously. Virgil knew he shouldn’t, wasn’t allowed even, but he felt… different… around Roman. Good different. Warm. Safe. Protected.

Roman sighed contentedly. He felt happy. Cared for. Loved. _Not that I… well… at least I don’t think so… but maybe…?_

As the two sides settled down, they both felt warm, safe, happy. Roman glanced over at Anxiety, who was already sleeping lightly. Roman looked at the way his face completely changed when he slept, how it relaxed. Roman couldn’t help but smile as he noticed the slight crease in Anxiety’s forehead as he dozed, and the small purring sounds he made when he snored gently. 

While Roman looked at Anxiety, something clicked. Like a key fitting in a lock, or like a switch flicking. He realised. Right then, as the two were peacefully resting. At that point he knew. After just over a year of bickering and banter, after all this time, this was what Roman had been missing.

“I… I love you Anxiety. I know you’re asleep, and you will never know or care about this, but I love you.” And with that, Roman turned over again and fell into a deep sleep, all thoughts of that morning forgotten.

…

…

Virgil smiled as he heard Roman’s snores begin to fill the room.

He thought about the dramatic events of the day, and how his and Roman’s relationship had strengthened so much in the space of a few hours. He was glad he could comfort Roman, make him happy and cared for. He was glad.

“... I- I…. love you too Roman…” He whispered. He knew Roman hadn’t heard. And it had to stay that way. No one could ever know.

_Not after last time…_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well this was an emotional roller coaster for me. I hope you liked it... be prepared for what's next...


	6. All good things must come to an end

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Virgil meets... an old friend?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am baaaaad at updating this... but anyway here's another chapter to shake things up a bit, again a warning to you for mentions of an anxiety attack, but I wrote some fluff in there because I can't be angsty forever...

Things were going great for Virgil. He had woken up this morning feeling happy, cared for, and most of all, accepted. He felt like he was finally fitting in. Virgil couldn’t really believe that it had been over a year since he had found the sides. He had formed such a strong connection with them all...

**It’s been a long time Virgil…**

_N- no. No….. how did you.. How?_ Virgil was in shock. How could this be happening? He felt like his whole world, his whole identity, was being stripped from him. He couldn’t process this deep, harrowing voice in his head.

**I have my ways… but the more important matter on hand… is you...**

_N- no! I c- can’t… I mean…. You can’t control m- me anymore… I don’t belong with you!_ Virgil sank to the floor, against his bed, unable to focus his vision. His head was throbbing, his body ached, vividly reminding him of… before.

**Ah.. you see, you do belong to me… you have no authority over anyone or anything. You are useless, weak, pathetic. I am the only one to accept you for the worthless side you are. Do you really think the sides have accepted you? They hate you as much as they would hate me… So don’t even try and lie to me… I will always see right through you…**

Virgil squinted, he could just focus on an eerily dark shadow looming in the corner of his already dark room. His heart stopped as he realised what… who, it was.

“I may always belong to you, but that doesn’t mean I have to obey you. You don’t have any more control over me than Roman does.” Virgil tried to come across as tough and menacing, as he curled up on the floor shivering violently.

**“Ahh Roman… sweet isn’t he? Adorable, dashing and so... easy to manipulate…”** The shadow spoke threateningly, and Virgil still couldn’t quite source where the voice was coming from.

“N- no! How c- could you?” Virgil’s tough shell had cracked and his voice came out as a mere whisper. He knew what… he… could do. He had to admit… he was afraid.

**“Oh.. Virgil..”** The voice purred. **“Scared for your friends? Worried about what I can do to them?”** Virgil knew what that shadow wanted, but he was prepared to give his life to stop it from succeeding.

Virgil took a deep breath, and looked up, staring into the now properly formed side’s eyes.

“I know what you want, you’re not getting it. Never. I am never going to let myself be controlled by you ever again. You’ll have to kill me… Deceit.”

The malicious side smiled devilishly, his black and yellow cloak swirling around him, his reptilian face shining evilly at Virgil.

**“Very well…”** And with that, the side vanished and Virgil collapsed back onto his bed, losing consciousness.

**************************

Roman whistled as he danced around his room, dusting his desk, tidying his clothes and making his bed, as Patton had asked him to do as he and Logan went out to the dreamscape library to research for Thomas’ new video.

He had just about finished, he was just placing his sword carefully back into its case, when he heard a tiny muffled thud coming from Anxiety’s room. Roman rushed to his bedroom door so as not to get caught eavesdropping but also to listen for anything else...

As much as Roman strained, the best he could get was muffled… voices? _It definitely isn’t his music that he always has on… that’s more like screaming._

Roman stayed by his door for a while, and although he couldn’t hear anything, he was still on the alert, ready to spring if he heard anything out of the ordinary.

Then, all of a sudden, there was what sounded like a snap quickly followed by a sound of something _a lamp maybe?_ falling off a table. Roman bolted out of his room and rushed over to Anxiety’s.

“Anxiety? Are you ok? I heard a crash… Anxiety?” Roman half begged. He waited a solid minute and then knocked and pushed the door open. He gasped as he saw what lay in front of him.

Anxiety was unconscious, half on his bed, half on the floor, his arms flung out to his sides. _I guess that explains the crash…_ Roman walked slowly over to the anxious side, trying to deduct what had happened.

_So… so Anxiety is out cold on the floor, its way darker and colder in here than normal, and I heard voices… oh no… but- but I can’t do this, I don’t know how to help him!_

Roman knelt gently beside Anxiety, he could see the side was breathing, so he wasn’t too worried about his health or anything like that… Roman was worried about what he feared was about to happen…

Anxiety suddenly jolted awake, his breathing skyrocketed, has movements uncoordinated and his eyes unfocused. Roman’s own emotions spiked, but he pushed them away. _Remember what he said to you, not even two months ago… “You inspire all of us every day by just being creative, confident, funny, by just being yourself. That’s what we love about you. What- what I love about you…”. He believes in me, so I must believe in him and do my best to help him. It is time to return the favour…_

“Ok Anxiety, look at me, come on, I know you’re in there, come on… there we go, that’s it!” Roman felt his heart break as he looked into the side’s wild, scared eyes. “Now I want you to keep looking at me, just like I did for you. I am going to check your pulse and then your hand, I heard quite a big crash…”

Roman gently checked Anxiety’s heartbeat, still keeping eye contact with him, and then slowly took Anxiety’s hand, and ignoring the butterflies, turned it over, checking for any damage. Miraculously, Anxiety was fine.

“R- Ro- Roman…” Roman’s head jerked up at the mention of his name. He had been busy checking Anxiety for injury that he was caught thoroughly off guard by the small whisper that came from the side.

“Yes? What is it? What do you need?” Roman could see Anxiety’s eyes looking at something, he tried to trace his line of sight. He was looking at… _Oh of course, how could I forget?_

“Which one?” Roman whispered softly, standing up and walking to the chest of drawers.

“L- left… t-the y- yel- yellow o- one…” Anxiety was barely speaking, but Roman’s senses were hyperactive and he could hear him easily. He quietly opened the top left drawer and took out a small yellow pill bottle. Grasping it more firmly and walking back to Anxiety, he popped open the lid and handed it to him.

Roman watched as Anxiety weakly shook out a couple pills and swallowed them with some water that Roman had conjured. Roman saw as Anxiety closed his eyes and tried to control his own breathing, he marvelled in Anxiety’s incredible strength in these situations, and how he can handle himself so well.

A few minutes passed of the two sides just sitting there, lost in their own thoughts.

“Thank you…” Anxiety’s voice was hoarse and worn out, but Roman understood. He nodded, smiling softly.

“It seems the debt has been repaid...” Roman attempted to lighten the mood as he shuffled closer to Anxiety, until they were sitting next to each other, on the floor, next to his bed.

“Huh, yeah.... Also, I’m sorry I disrupted you this… early in the morning...?” Roman was amazed that Anxiety was still aware of time, and that he had regulated his breathing, heart rate and eye focus all on his own.

“Oh don’t you worry, I was cleaning my room anyway so I’m glad I could make myself useful for something.... And Patton said he and Logan were going to the library and then they’d be back around now to make breakfast, do you want to come down and join us?” Roman tried to mentally urge Anxiety to join him, so that he could protect the small side and help him further.

“Uh, maybe… Actually yeah, I’ll get cleaned up and be down in a few minutes… uh- and Roman?” Anxiety struggled to his feet and looked at the dashing prince.

“Yes, what is it?” Roman asked, worriedly.

“Please don’t tell Patton or Logan I had another attack, they’ll only get more worried and I don’t want to cause tension…” Anxiety trailed off as Roman stepped towards, cupping his face in his hands gently. He looked down at the small, anxious side and said with absolute honesty….

“Anxiety, I can assure you I will keep this event that has just occurred between us alone. I will not divulge any of your personal information unless I have permission from you. I would never do that to you.” Roman’s eyes flicked down to Anxiety’s lips. _No. Not now, I can’t… I would never hear the end of it… no._

**************************

Virgil’s heart warmed as Roman took his face in his hands and tilted it upwards, he felt relieved that he could trust Roman with any information, but at this moment in time, all he could think about was the creative, passionate side’s face filling his vision. He felt himself lifting up onto his toes to try and match Roman’s height, and he noticed Roman’s eyes flick down to his lips. 

A wave of fear, indecision and panic rushed through Virgil. While he would admit that he like Roman… a lot. He could never… _He doesn’t mean it, I can’t, I shouldn’t. No._

Virgil and Roman seemed to have the same idea, as they both stopped and then sank into a deep hug. It was a comforting hug, a warm, fuzzy, protective hug. Virgil broke away first, and walked to his bathroom.

“I guess I’ll see you in a few minutes…”

“Y- yeah…” Roman backed slowly out of Anxiety’s room and then hopped downstairs to help Patton with breakfast. He couldn’t believe that he had just gotten that close to Anxiety. _Maybe… just maybe... he likes me too?_

Virgil washed his face, brushed his hair, applied his makeup and adjusted his hoodie. He was still buzzing from emotions, good and bad. He could still feel… Deceit’s presence, but it was being slowly crushed by the rush of emotion from Roman. Virgil knew he shouldn’t, he would only put them, him, in more danger, but he couldn’t avoid Roman forever, and quite frankly, he didn’t want to. _But some things are meant to be, some things are not, and some things… shouldn’t be…_

Virgil opened his door and walked slowly downstairs, his usual composure having returned. He looked towards the kitchen where he could see Roman and Logan laughing while Patton worked to make breakfast. He sniffed, trying to figure out what was cooking…

Heck yes. Pancakes.

Virgil almost skipped over to the sides, and joined in with the banter and jokes. Never in his life had he felt more accepted and loved than he did now. It was a great feeling, one that he wanted to keep forever…

**But you should know by now Virgil… all good things must come to an end…**


	7. Logically Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Logan has been keeping secrets....

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let's give the sides some fun shall we? Of course, you get the best fluff after some angst though, so buckle up buttercups!

Everything was a blur for Logan this morning. He had woken with a monster headache, and it was clouding his judgement and now his vision. 

Logan sat up, looking tiredly around his room. He hadn’t had that much sleep last night, whether it was the quiet bass of Virgil’s music, or the twinkling sound that always emanated from Roman’s room, whatever had kept Logan up and pacing his room repeatedly, it had done it’s damage.

As he swung his legs over the side of his bed and reached for his glasses, Logan gave a small gasp as his head throbbed in pain from the action of standing up. _Ok, nothing I haven’t handled before. I am going to go downstairs, and take some painkillers. Simple._

Logan shuffled downstairs rubbing his temples, he moved slowly to the kitchen and got a glass of water and two painkillers. After taking them both Logan removed his glasses and gently massaged his forehead, before starting to make his breakfast.

*********************

Patton was worried about Logan. It seemed that Roman was the only side that had gotten a decent night’s sleep last night, as Patton had only managed to sleep for two or three hours, poor Virgil hardly ever slept anyway, and as for Logan, Patton had heard him pacing the entire night.

So this morning, Patton was awake and dressed when he heard the logical side’s door open and the familiar shuffling footsteps of a tired Logan walking downstairs. Patton followed at a short distance, and watched with growing concern.

The first thing Patton noticed was Logan’s posture and walk. He was moving… _robotically?_ His back was straight, his movements exact and balanced, and… he was walking in perfect straight lines? Logan was walking along the tile lines on the kitchen floor.

Patton stayed at the top of the stairs, so he could observe Logan as he started with breakfast. _That’s very strange of him, I wonder if he’s sleepwalking?_ Patton tried to make sense of the logical side’s characteristics.

Logan then leant against the kitchen counter and rubbed his head. _Hmm, maybe not then. I should go and see how he’s doing!_ Patton walked down the rest of the stairs, still watching Logan as he turned away from Patton and poured himself a coffee.

“Hey Lo! You’re up early! It’s only…” Patton glanced at his watch, “6:15!” _That’s really odd,_ Thought Patton, _he hasn’t even noticed me, and I’m standing less than a metre away…_

Logan continued to move around the kitchen, never straying from his tile lines. Patton scanned his posture, expression and movements. _Well, he looks like he’s training in the army, you could see a familiar expression on a stone, and what is it with these tiles?_ Patton tried to piece things together. He attempted a conversation again. Maybe Logan just hadn’t heard him.

“So, er, what were you planning on doing today Lo? I know Roman wants us all to go over some last minute checks on the new video script, but I was planning on going to the library, and thought maybe you’d like to come with me?” Patton was shocked as, once again, his words were ignored.

Patton gave up with small talk and placed a hand gently on Logan’s shoulder. Logan made a small noise of surprise as he finally saw Patton standing right behind him. The expressionless face had gone, the rigid posture had melted away, leaving a very confused Logan.

“Lo… did you even hear me?” Patton asked tentatively. Things were starting to fall into place.

“Er… my apologies Patton, I did not hear you enter the room. What was it you were saying?” Logan looked disconnected and dejected.

“Logan, you were moving like a robot! You were walking along the tile lines on the floor, and you’ve flicked the power switch for the kettle almost five times now!” Patton was beginning to understand what might be the problem… and Logan knew it too.

********************

Logan turned away and went to sit in the living room. His mind was reeling. He had kept this a secret for so long, for fear that the others would mock him, for being different. He heard Patton come and sit next to him. This was it. He had to tell Patton, there was no other option.

“I- I… I…” Logan’s voice faltered as he felt a wave of emotion wash over him. Suppressed memories and feelings flooded back, and he couldn’t continue. Tears that he didn’t know he had been holding cascaded down his face. 

Patton’s heart broke as he saw Logan so emotional. Without words, he took Logan into his arms and hugged him. He didn’t question him further, he just focused on rubbing Logan’s back and comforting the broken side.

Logan couldn’t think straight. He couldn’t stop the flow of memories and feelings that were washing out of him from years of being built up. It took all of his effort to try and regulate his breathing, he eventually calmed himself and forced himself to look up at Patton.

This was it. Now he was ready.

“Patton… I- I h- have… OCD. Otherwise known as Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. It is a mental disorder that causes me to have thoughts, urges, or impulses to do things, and it’s extremely hard to ignore or suppress them. I- I’ve had it all my life an-” Logan was cut off abruptly as he was tackled by Patton, who was now also crying.

“You d- don’t need to continue, Lo. I should have known. I saw the signs, I was just too busy with my own life that I never pieced them together. I’m sorry you have had to deal with this so long without help kiddo, but now you have to promise to come to me if you need help?”

Logan was sincerely touched that Patton was being so genuine and kind. “I promise Patt. And thank you, for everything. I confess my sincere apologies for withholding this information from you, but I felt, unready to share it with anyone as I feared that you and the other sides would… make fun of me.”

The two sides were now sitting cross legged on the couch, opposite each other, with their knees touching gently. Logan looked into Patton’s glistening, sparkly eyes. _I have never taken the time to appreciate just how mysterious and deep Patton’s eyes are… they hold… secrets and stories in their beautiful brown depths…_ Logan blinked, shaking himself out of his daze. Patton seemed to do the same, looking… slightly disappointed?

“Shall we try and catch up on some rest and watch a movie, I didn’t sleep last night that much and from what I could hear, neither did you kiddo!” Now that Logan was looking at Patton in more detail, he could see the dark circles under his eyes that probably mirrored his own.

“That would be very satisfactory, Patton, and my apologies if I kept you awake.” Logan stood up to get some blankets, while Patton chose a movie. The two sat back down, Logan had two big fluffy blankets and Patton had chosen Big Hero Six. _I must admit, Patton knows what I like, that’s my favourite…_

As the movie started Patton snuggled into Logan’s shoulder, shifting about until he was comfortable, Logan did them same and moved closer to Patton, resting his arm around Patton’s shoulders. Logan felt a warm, calming sensation spreading through him. It was like the sun was now shining on what had just been a raging, stormy sea. 

As the movie progressed, Logan could feel his eyelids getting heavy, he looked down at Patton and saw that the moral side was already asleep, snoring peacefully with a small smile on his face. Logan’s heart swelled at the sight. There was no denying it any longer. Patton was the most adorable thing ever.

******************************

Roman had just woken up, he bounced out of bed, dressed quickly, and padded downstairs to make breakfast. That plan was quickly changed, however, as he caught sight of the two sides resting on the couch, watching Big Hero Six. Roman promptly got his phone out, snapped a few pictures and turned on his heel and ran to Anxiety’s room.

“ANXIETY.” Roman whisper shouted, bursting into the side’s room. “GET UP AND OUT TODAY IS OUR LUCKY DAY THE GODS HAVE BLESSED US COME ON YOU HAVE TO SEE!!” Roman bounced over to Anxiety’s bed and shook him awake.

Anxiety turned over, apparently wide awake, and said “You’d better have a damn good reason for this.”

Roman didn’t explain, he just showed him the photo. Enough said, Anxiety shot out of bed, threw on his hoodie and bolted downstairs. _Well, once in a lifetime opportunities and all that…_  
Roman followed quickly, and ran downstairs after Anxiety, two steps at a time. He came to a sudden stop just behind the smaller side, and smirked at his face.

“Cuteness overload, am I right?” Roman said proudly.

Anxiety had no words. “I- I- it’s… they… they are so adorable! Omg, look at Lo, with his arm round Patt, and ahhhh look at Patt’s hand on Logan’s chest oh my gosh…” Anxiety was literally fangirling over the adorableness of the two sleeping sides. Roman smiled, _those two aren’t the only adorable ones though…_

“They are officially the cutest things ever!” Roman said.

*****************************

Logan woke slowly, he was aware that he had fallen asleep with Patton, and that they were watching Big Hero Six, but when Roman and Anxiety had come in, he didn’t know. What he did know, however, was that they were about to be surprised.

Logan lifted his head from Patton’s shoulder and looked at the creative and anxious sides. They looked back. A stunned silence hung in the air, and then Logan… winked… at the two sides and snuggled further into Patton and closed his eyes again.

The muffled squeaks that came from the two sides were just the icing on the cake for Logan. He had never been happier. He no longer had to hide anything, or worry about being made fun of. He was happy next to Patton, and he wished it could be like that forever. 

***************************

Virgil sank to his knees, unable to stay standing from the cuteness he had just witnessed. _This was so worth it… so so worth it…._ He looked at Roman, who was looking back at him, a sneaky smile on his face.

“You thinking what I’m thinking?” Virgil nodded towards the other two sides.

“Heck yes.” Roman was already moving towards the couch.

“TICKLE FIGHT!!” Virgil and Roman both yelled as they launched onto Patton and Logan, who both woke with a start, but immediately relaxed and tried to push Roman and Virgil off them.

“N- no…. s- s- stop guys.. Nooooooo aahhhhhh” Patton wheezed with laughter as Virgil attacked him. Logan was much the same as Roman tackled him.

They play fought for a while, eventually turning it into a pillow fight, until all four sides collapsed onto the floor, out of breath, and all laughing hysterically.

Nothing could be better than this, safer, happier than this. All was well again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, that was fun wasn't it? This chapter was tricky to write because Logan wanted to cry the entire chapter and Virgil wanted to sleep in until 12, so after some rearrangement and many rewrites... here we are. I would love to hear what you think about my story, and if I can improve it in any way, so please tell me what you think in the comments! <3


	8. Influences and Recovery

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Virgil and Logan have an early morning chat...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please don't hate me I haven't posted in agesssss I had a serious case of writer's block and it's so bad that as I am writing this I still haven't thought of a title for the chapter... anyway I'm not too pleased with this chapter but I needed to post it because I'm brainstorming for chapter ten, so hold on I'm almost there...

Virgil stared tiredly at his reflection as he watched the last strands of his hair fade from black to brown, and blinked a couple times as his eyes filled back up with colour. He rubbed his face, relieved that everything was finally over, and he could regain control before he was found. _Man, I gotta get these panic attacks under control, they’ve been getting so much worse over the past few weeks… I sure hope that idiot isn’t behind it…_

Virgil straightened up and turned away from his mirror. His head hurt, his legs were weak, his vision still blurry. He needed to escape reality for a few hours to calm down, and to do that he needed his headphones, which he remembered were still downstairs after Patton had confiscated them for movie night.

Virgil crept downstairs, so as to not wake the others because it was 2am the last time he checked, and shuffled into the living room. Bingo, his headphones were exactly where Patton had left them. But wait-

“Anxiety? What are you doing here? It is highly impractical for you to be out of bed at this late hour…” Virgil snapped his head round and was graced by the ruffled but composed figure of Logan, who was standing just behind the couch.

“I- I might ask you the same question...” Virgil was definitely confused. Logan is never out of his room between 10pm and 7am, something is definitely wrong. Virgil studied Logan’s demeanour.

_Hmm… I’m sensing an influence on his judgement, a excessive desire to keep things in order, fear of being rejected and fear of abandonment. If my senses are correct… then Logan must have…_

“OCD acting up again? Virgil took a chance, and looking at Logan’s face, he had hit the nail on the head.

“H- how… how did you… know?” Logan was, for the first time in his life, lost for words.

“It was kinda obvious,” Virgil had to think fast to cover up his ability. “You were acting very robotically, more than usual, and you.. er… I saw you double and triple checking the… fridge door was shut earlier….”

Logan seemed to accept Virgil’s explanation, so with a curt nod, he moved to sit on the couch. Virgil was unsure whether he should make a grab for his headphones and leg it, or talk to Logan and push his rapidly developing headache to the back of his mind.

_No. I will stay. Logan needs comfort right now. This is my opportunity to properly fit in, to show the others that I can protect them, not… nevermind._

“Hey, Logan?” Virgil asked tentatively.

Logan looked up, gesturing for him to continue. “Yes?”

“What’s your favourite colour?”

“Anxiety, this is highly illogical at this time of night…”

“Come on Logan let’s just play a game, it’ll be fun!”

“Er… well… it’s blue. I find the colour a mysterious and deep hue, as it is the colour of the sea, of which ninety five percent is still unexplored. It also represents loyalty, strength, wisdom and trust, and is said to be a calming colour.”

“That’s cool, what’s your favourite number?” Virgil tried to make the questions as meaningless and silly as possible, so he could distract Logan and get him to unwind from his tight composure.

“My favourite number is three, it represents harmony, wisdom and understanding. It is the first number that forms a geometrical figure- a triangle. It can show stages in life, nature and time.”

Virgil was beginning to be slightly worried, Logan was being so detailed and specific, it wasn’t getting him to relax at all…

“Ok… so… tell me… do you… or do you not… have a crush on Patton?” Virgil was getting desperate and this was a win-win situation, he would either find out some groundbreaking information, or Logan would laugh and say how ridiculous the question was.

_Ok what. Logan. Is. Blushing… Logan…. Is BLUSHING??!!_

“Er…. well… this is a highly unnecessary question Anxiety, I-” Virgil cut Logan off with a small scream.

“YOU DO! YOU LIKE PATTON!!” Virgil sank down into the couch, with what can only be described as a look of pure satisfaction on his face. He sank lower, occasionally muttering “I knew it” every now and then, leaving Logan blushing madly while a little flustered.

“Anxiety, while this information is… exciting to you… I must make a deal with you. I will not deny this information on the terms that you do not tell a single soul of this moment. Ok?” Logan continued to blush furiously, while a hint of a smile showed up on his face.

Virgil quickly nodded and sat up again. He saw the look of earnest flash on the other side’s face and knew that he had to take this to the grave… maybe…

“Ok, so-” Virgil started to ask another question but was cut off by Logan.

“Anxiety, it is almost three in the morning, we should try and get back to sleep. By the way, what were you doing down here?”

Virgil hesitated, _What do I say? I can’t tell him yet… can I? You know what? Logan deserves to know… here goes nothing.._

“Umm… I had an anxiety attack. I’ve been getting them more and more frequently over the past two weeks. They don’t last too long, about an hour max, but I am getting better at recognising them and working through them. Before you ask, no I don’t need help and yes I should have told you all sooner but I’m Anxiety, I was worried you would all laugh at me and push me away for being… different… So I came downstairs after having an attack to get my headphones because they are the best way for me to calm down.”

Virgil looked up and saw Logan with an acute look of surprise on his face but also a soft, understanding expression. _I guess he deals with the same kind of stuff, so it’s not weird for him to understand… I just wish he would stop looking at me like that..._

“Anxiety, while I won’t argue with you on your… self help ideas… I will say that you should know that I, however monotone and emotionless I am, will still be open to hearing what you need to say. I have no problem in you bursting into my room at five in the morning because you have nowhere else to go. Just remember that you are not alone, remember that there are sides here that can understand and help you, and no one will think any worse of you for it.”

Virgil was taken aback by Logan’s display of kindness and heartfelt understanding. It lifted the heavy headache and his eyes sparkled. He gave a thin smile to Logan and stood up, he didn't say anything, Logan already knew. He grabbed his headphones and heard Logan stand up behind him. The two sides headed up the stairs and to their rooms. Virgil looked back at Logan as he entered his room. That guy was full of surprises.

Virgil lay back down on his bed and turned to turn his light off, he felt a tingling feeling in his body, a happy, warm tingling. But then it changed…

_Sadness.... I can sense… sadness… but where is it coming from? Not me… I’m assuming not Logan… Roman said he was out for a couple days in the dreamscape finding some inspiration… so that leaves… oh no…_

“Patton…”


	9. Desperate times call for desperate measures

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Virgil helps Patton at 3 in the morning, but far away... something is lurking...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kind of an immediate continuation from the last chapter, I wanted to write this asap to make up for not posting in ages so here we are... just a couple angst warnings nearer to the end I don't want to give too much away so yeah... enjoy

Virgil shot up and ran to his door, he bolted out into the hallway and to Patton’s door.

_Woah… this is weird… I can sense a heavy sadness coming from Patton but his room isn’t affected like Roman’s was… so it’s not a mood he’s in… it’s a mental influence on him… which means…_

“Oh god no… Patton? Can you hear me? Patton?” Virgil tried to whisper as loudly as he could, as it was still only three in the morning and he didn’t want to wake anyone else up.

“Patton, I’m coming in…” Virgil pushed the worries about the effects of Patton’s room on him, opened the door and stepped into Patton’s room. He was immediately greeted by the slightly too familiar weakening feeling spreading through him, but he took a breath and walked on, walking closer to Patton’s bed, where Virgil could see a Patton sized mound of blankets.

“Patton, I need to know you can hear me. Can you.. er.. stick a foot out or something? It’s V- Anxiety, and I came to check on you.” Virgil tried to smooth over his slip up without showing any emotion. He had to stay strong. _For Patton._

A toe appeared under a fold in a blanket, Virgil inwardly sighed with relief. “That’s great Pat, do you think you could poke your head up?”

Virgil waited patiently, ignoring the dizziness he was feeling from the sparkles whirling round his head, and saw a small, red and puffy face peek out from under about five blankets.

“Peekaboo Pat! There we go… that’s great, now, can you remember the breathing pattON I use when I’m stressed? Shall we do it together?” Virgil cringed at the ridiculous pun and cheesy stuff he was saying as he edged closer to Patton’s bed.

Patton nodded and struggled to sit up a little further. He sniffed a few times and then rubbed his eyes and looked at Anxiety, signalling for him to start.

“Amazing Patton, ok, breath with me… in for four…. Hold for seven…” Virgil pretended to faint from the lack of air, “and out for eight… and again, keep eye contact with me… that’s great…”

After a minute or so of breathing, Virgil noticed that Patton had visibly relaxed, and his breathing was now regulated. _Ok now he’s stopped crying, how do I tell him he has such an influential mental disorder?? Do I even tell him? No, not now… let’s wait and see._

“A- Anxiety?” Virgil’s head whipped up at the sound of his name. His eyes rested on Patton, who was now looking at him with a fond glow in his eyes.

“Hey there Pat, how’s things?”

Patton opened his mouth to speak, but his eyes filled with tears again and instead of speaking he buried his face into Virgil’s shoulder.

Virgil, while taken a little by surprise by the sudden contact, let Patton cry into his shoulder for a few minutes, before gently taking the side’s shoulders and pushing him back. Virgil kept his right hand resting on Patton’s shoulder, rubbing circles into it with his thumb, and with his other hand he softly wiped the tears off the side’s face and brushed his hair out of the way.

“You were starting to look like me, with the hair in your face and dark circles under your eyes.” Virgil chuckled as Patton smiled weakly through his red eyes and blocked nose.

“Anxiety, thank you so much for helping I- I’ve never experienced something like that before… I didn’t know what to d- do so I just… hid. I don’t even know why I was sad, I just felt an overwhelming feeling fall on me and I felt weak and helpless so I just tried to hide from it… I don’t know what would’ve happened if you hadn’t found me and I’m so grateful thank you so much!” Patton spoke with such emotion and feeling that Virgil’s heart actually melted from the sight. _Ouch, being sentimental hurts... now I know why Logan avoids it…_

“Oh, it was nothing, I mean, I couldn’t just.. Leave you… I had to help, it was the least I could do. Say, how about we have a sneaky early morning hot chocolate? I think we deserve one…” Virgil suggested. _Anything to stop the pain and lift Patton’s spirits..._

“Yeah that’s a good idea! It’ll help me sleep too!” Patton had regained the sparkle in his eyes and he hopped out of bed, the previous events seemingly forgotten.

Virgil marvelled at the determination and strength of Patton as he followed him downstairs for the second time that night into the kitchen, he was amazed that Patton could go from being that distressed to happy and bouncy. He watched as the side flitted round the kitchen making the drinks and adding his own Patton flare to it all.

“So Anxiety, how did you know what to do to help? How were you so good at knowing exactly what to do?” Virgil thought carefully, he couldn’t say anything about his sense, he couldn’t say anything about knowing what to be prepared for. He, once again, had to wing it.

“I- I… I’ve experienced the same kind of… feelings… as you have. I… know what it’s like… to be sad like that…. So I applied my knowledge of how to deal with the situation to you.” Virgil didn’t want to give anything away, as an idea had just formed in his mind.

“Aww Anxiety, I had no idea! You should have told me so I could help you too!” Patton carefully set the two hot chocolates down, and collapsed into a chair opposite Virgil.

“Nah I’m used to them now, and also with me being Anxiety I can adapt to more stressed environments quicker than most… though it doesn’t stop them happening…” Virgil reassured Patton and sipped his hot chocolate. _Ouch too hot, it’s a good thing I can cool it quickly…_

Virgil gripped his mug tightly, and after a few seconds of slight burning from the heat, he channelled his energy into his hands and they went ice cold. After a while, the feeling subsided and Virgil found that his drink had cooled to the right temperature, if a little cold.

Virgil took a big sip, only to put his drink down to see Patton staring at him, wide eyed.

“Woah kiddo! How did you do that? I made sure these were toasty warm! Didn’t you burn yourself?” Patton was in disbelief.

_Whoops, I guess the guys here aren’t aware of their powers yet… time for some rustic covering up… again...._

“Er… I- you know the thing, asbestos hands? When you can touch really hot stuff without burning yourself or feeling the pain? I guess I have that in my throat, because I’m fine with drinking hot stuff.” Virgil explained. _I mean, it’s half true, I can do that… it’s just not what I did then…_

“Well shucks kiddo, that’s pretty nifty! I’d better hurry up and finish mine so we can try and get a bit of sleep at least!” Patton’s tone radiated happiness and positivity.

The two sat in companionable silence as they finished their hot chocolates. After a while, Patton yawned and got up to put his mug in the sink. Virgil followed suit and they both headed up to Patton’s room.

“Do you want me to stay with you?” Virgil asked tentatively, mentally willing Patton to say yes.

“Uh... yeah, that would be really nice of you kiddo!” Patton stretched and got into bed. Virgil quickly conjured up a sofa bed and sat on the edge of it.

“Ok then, have a good sleep Patt, I’ll see you soon…” Virgil whispered as he absent mindedly tucked the blankets around Patton.

Within a few minutes Patton was snoring peacefully, and Virgil stood a little way back from him.

_Ok, lets do this. Patton deserves to be happy, he shouldn’t have anything weighing him down. I have to get rid of it. He won’t notice, he won’t feel a thing..._

Virgil planted his feet and raised his hands, palms facing the sleeping side. He closed his eyes and felt the familiar swirling sensation. He remained still for about a minute until he was sure he had got it all. Now for the tricky part.

Virgil let out a small gasp as his eyes opened and he let the thick black smoke absorb into his eyes. It wasn’t a painful process, it was just… exhausting.

After everything had been absorbed and the room was still again, Virgil was glad that there was a bed behind him as he collapsed from the newfound tire on his body. He felt… stronger and yet… weak. He felt that there were invisible ropes tying him down and holding him back. Virgil knew that he wouldn’t be able to use his powers for much longer until something inside him snapped.

But for now, Virgil was tired. He had done enough today, and he needed to sleep to recharge after using so much energy. He lay down on his makeshift bed and almost immediately felt his eyes closing and he drifted off to sleep.

********************

In a dark place, far away from the conscious realm…. Deceit was pacing.

He was pacing back and forth, and had been for the past twenty minutes or so.

He had a plan. He was finally ready. All this time spent collecting and stealing energy, he now had the necessary power to realm hop. While he knew it would do little for him in the conscious realm, as most of his energy would be used to travel, and Deceit had found that power was automatically diminished in the realm anyway so he only had limited time and limited power.

But it was enough. He would use what he has left to bargain with his little dark minx, and take back what was originally his in the first place. **Yessss, I will take my little dark prince back… and he shall be loyal to me once more… No more fighting, no more arguing, he will get what’ssss coming to him and then we will join forcesssss to gain total control of the mind… he will remember hissss full power and we will rule with terror and deception once more… and if he doessssn’t? I will just have to break my jem down… from the insssside….**

“ **I’m coming for you… Virgil.** ”


	10. Memories

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things get deep and Virgil explains...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorryyyyy for disappearing for like three weeks I was kinda busy but I have finally finished this I hope it lives up to your expectations... <3

A few weeks had passed since the incident with Patton, and Virgil, despite feeling tense from all this negative energy that had built up, was feeling pretty good. He was beginning to feel comfortable around the others and was opening up to them all.

Virgil expertly balanced a cup of coffee, his phone and his headphones in his hands as he tiptoed upstairs after a few hours of tumblr scrolling. He checked his watch, nearly spilling his coffee in the process. _3:16am._

He used his elbow to turn his door handle and push his door open, while trying to balance everything in his hands, while also trying to be as quiet and as quick as possible.

It wasn’t until Virgil had taken two large steps into his room when he noticed something was horribly wrong, but by that point… it was too late.

Virgil’s door slammed shut, and he felt something knock into his shins, causing him to fall forwards, dropping his phone, headphones and coffee. As Virgil tried to take in what was happening and get his bearings, his room suddenly turned pitch black. No light was visible at all. Virgil was immersed in darkness.

“ **Well what do we have here…?** ” Virgil tensed, freezing still as a statue. He knew that voice… he knew that voice… it was… it was… oh no…

“NO!” Virgil screamed as he realised who the voice belonged to. 

“ **Why yesssss… it’ssss me Virgil… did you missssss me?** ” Virgil crawled to where he thought his bed was, but instead knocked into something else. He looked up. Two lights shone down on him. One yellow, one fainter and brown. They weren’t lights. They were eyes. Virgil knew who he had just knocked into.

“Deceit….” Virgil was terrified. How was this possible? He was the most powerful, he made sure that he was the only one with enough power to get here… so how had Deceit done it?

“ **If you’re wondering how I got here… well… it’sss a fabulousss ssstory… including massss dessstruction and power ssstealing… A trick I learned from none other than yourssself… Let’sss jusst sssay thingsss are a little different back home now… why don’t you come and ssssee for yourssself?** ” Deceit’s face was illuminated by a few balls of light that he had conjured, giving it a distorted, evil appearance.

Virgil was scrambling back, trying to get as far away from Deceit as he could. He felt a wall against him, he was backed into a corner, with the villainous snake advancing on him. He didn’t know what else to do, he felt too weak to stand up, so all he could do was stare helplessly into those devilish, glowing eyes.

“W- what do you w- want from m- me?” Virgil stuttered, already feeling the effects of a panic attack setting in.

“ **Oh I don’t want much… jussst complete mind domination, total control… and you...** ” Deceit smiled, still moving closer to Virgil, and kneeling down in front of him.

“ **I want you back Virgil, I need you back… I’m willing to forgive you for leaving me if you come with me right now and take your possssition back, be by my sssside again? Surely you don’t think the otherssss have truly accepted you, they are only putting up with you for the benefit of Thomasss, they won’t be sssssad to sssee you go… they might not even notice…** ” Deceit offered Virgil a hand, but Virgil stayed on the floor.

“I will NEVER come back to you! You aren’t the same person you were all those years ago, all this time has corrupted you, I don’t want anything more to do with you! I am accepted by the others and I have no intention of hurting them, you can’t win here!” Virgil struggled to his feet and stood facing the snake, who obviously hadn’t expected Virgil to fight back. He thought for a few seconds, still staring into Virgil’s eyes, until his face lit up and he opened his mouth again.

“ **Well… if you won’t join me voluntarily, I sssssupposse a few threatsss are in order… let it be known that the longer it takesss for you to give up on thisss fake life you have made for yourssself… the worsssse the punishment for you and your friendssss get…** ” Deceit grinned devilishly, and began stepping back, away from Virgil, back into the darkness.

“You w- wouldn’t d- dare…” Virgil tried to keep a confident tone as the dark room started spinning around him. He wasn’t sure which way was which anymore, all he could see was two shining eyes fading away in front of him.

“ **Oh Virgil… you know I would…** ” Those words echoed around Virgil’s room as Deceit finally vanished, leaving him alone again, his head spinning.

Virgil swayed on the spot a few times, before his knees buckled and everything began to come crashing down, his carefully constructed walls, his control, his… appearance…

******************

Roman shot out of bed in a hurry, he had been awoken from his peaceful sleep by a loud, unidentifiable noise from Anxiety’s room, he had to save his precious shadowling from whatever was troubling him. He hurriedly walked out of his room only to stop short, seeing Patton and Logan both already outside Anxiety’s room.

“Aw man, I so wanted to be the hero of the night…” Roman admitted, slightly disappointed.

“Aw shucks kiddo, we didn’t want to steal your spotlight, we must have all heard that noise from Anxiety’s room, but you go ahead! Save the day!” Patton stepped aside, taking his place next to Logan behind Roman.

Roman took a breath and turned the handle to Anxiety’s room. He pushed the door open and was immediately blown back by the overwhelming dark force that came from the room.

 _This isn’t right. Something is wrong. Really wrong._ Roman peered into the almost pitch black room and could just make out a small figure hunched over behind the bed. That must be Anxiety. Who else could it be?

“Anxiety? Are you ok? Do you need any help?” Roman found that the sound of his voice was drowned out by the thick heavy smoke swirling around the room.

Roman glanced back at Patton and Logan, who were standing just in front of the doorway, both with considerably terrified expressions on their face. Roman took a moment to compose himself and stepped further into the gloomy depths of his friend’s room.

************************

Virgil shrank into himself, he had seen the others come into his room, he had wanted to comfort them, tell Roman he needed space to calm down, he didn’t want them to leave, but he knew it was dangerous for them.

**Look at them Virgil… they’re… scared of you… isn’t that poetic?**

_Don’t… no… stop it… make it stop…_

**Well you and I both know how that can happen, just say the word Virgil…**

_NO! N- never…_

**Tut tut Virgil… you want your friends to suffer because you’re too arrogant to see that you’re better off with me?**

_No… shut up… go away…_ “STOP!” Virgil snapped. He couldn’t hold it in anymore. All the energy he had tried so hard to keep contained was let out, all the feelings he had hidden from the others. All of his hard work was for nothing, and now his secret was going to be revealed.

Virgil grimaced as he saw the smoke and energy begin to circle closer to him. He knew what was going to happen and he was too exhausted to try and stop it. _Looks like Deceit was cleverer than I thought… I’d better get ready for my life to be turned upside down again…_

Virgil let out a small gasp as the energy hit him. He could feel a cold chill creeping up his spine, sending shivers throughout his whole body. It took him a while to realise that he had been lifted off the ground and was now floating above the other sides, who were in turn, staring back up at him, looking like they’d seen a ghost.

The energy had finished its job, Virgil knew what had happened, and what the others were seeing. He knew everything was all over. The smoke cleared, and Virgil remained floating just off the ground, his heart still pounding, his head spinning and his whole body trembling.

He breathed hard for a few minutes, trying to distinguish which voices were in his head and which were the others. Everything was all so blurry, his vision, his hearing… Virgil gathered his strength and looked up at the sides. He saw the fear, confusion and disgust in their eyes. He noticed how Patton hid behind Logan, how even Roman stepped back in terror. They were afraid… of him. The one who swore to protect them all, the one who had gone through so much to make them happier. It was all… for nothing.

Virgil lost all the composure he had previously gathered and fell out of the air and onto the floor. No one caught him. No one even tried to move.

**********************

Roman stood frozen on the spot. He couldn’t believe what he was seeing. He thought he knew Anxiety, but what he saw in front of him now was not him. What Roman saw before him now, was a darkly clothed figure, with jet black hair and a distorted black and purple shadow growing on his face. The eyes Roman had seen before, they were colourless pools of darkness. His body seemed to be alight with sparks of electricity, and the occasional swirl of misty energy.

Roman also noticed that along with this complete change or appearance, Anxiety was having one of the worst panic attacks he had ever seen. Black tears were streaming down his face, his breathing had gone so far past the point of hyperventilation that it was beginning to become shallow and short, and his whole body was shaking. Roman didn’t know what to do, he didn’t want to get any nearer to this… thing… but he didn’t want it to suffer either.

Roman looked back to Patton and Logan, he saw two different emotions on their faces. Logan looked… thoughtful and a bit confused, while also scared, but Patton was completely different. While he was still terrified, his face was set, and his body language was calm. Roman watched as Patton took a deep breath and gently edged past him.

Patton stooped down to Anxiety’s level, who had now collapsed against the end of his bed. He sat cross-legged opposite the smaller side and reached out a hand.

“A- Anxiety? Can you hear me? I know you’re in there, you’re still fighting, I know you can get through this. If you can hear me, reach out and touch my hand. Come on kiddo, we’re all here for you…” Patton waited calmly and patiently as Anxiety stirred from his panicked trance, and made an effort to move his hand. Patton took this as a attempt to touch his hand so moved his own the rest of the way. 

“That’s great kiddo, now remember your breathing patterns, can you point to five things you see in the room?” Patton nodded as Anxiety lifted a finger on the hand holding Patton’s and pointed to Roman, Logan, Patton, the floor and the door.

“Awesome! You’re doing great kiddo!” Patton looked over his shoulder back at Roman and Logan, gesturing for them to come and join him and Anxiety.

After a short while of them all sitting together, Anxiety pulls his hand away from Patton’s. Roman saw that he was visibly calmer and had got his breathing back under control. He now watched as Anxiety, still in this twisted, evil looking form, held his breath and a look of concentration appeared on his face. Then, all of a sudden, everything froze. It was as if he had stopped time itself. The dark mist that had been swirling around the group hung in the air, the tears on Anxiety’s face stopped sliding down his cheeks.

Roman, Patton and Logan all looked around the room, marvelling at the still atmosphere that was now present in the room.

Logan was the first to bring himself back to the present moment. “Anxiety. While you are still in this… distressed state of mind and being, it is impractical to ask any information from you. Instead, I would like you to try and tell me or point to four things you can hear.”

They all waited patiently while Anxiety pointed at Logan, himself, his head, and the others.

The sides all continued to go through the different techniques, being patient and helping Anxiety to calm down. After what felt like an hour, Anxiety had calmed down to the point where he could chuckle at Patton’s jokes and pointlessly argue with Roman.

What he did next was a shock to them all. The others had all gotten used to the frozen room, but now Anxiety sat up straight and closed his mysteriously black eyes. He breathed in, and everything started moving again. His black hair ruffled in the wake of the black energy that was now swirling around him, the sparks returned, getting bigger and bigger. Before Roman, Patton and Logan knew it, Anxiety was once again being lifted up, and hidden in the thick smoke circling him.

“What’s happening?” Roman was terrified, but then again, he had been ever since he’d walked into Anxiety’s room. He felt helpless, all he could do was watch as his friend was enveloped in clouds of smoke. He noticed after a few seconds though, that the smoke was getting thinner and slower, and Anxiety’s figure was becoming clearer. Eventually, the smoke had cleared entirely, and Anxiety dropped back to the floor, utterly exhausted.

Immediately Roman noticed that Anxiety was back to his normal self, his black hair and eyes were now back to their original colours, the weird shadow on his face had disappeared, and he didn’t look as scared anymore.

The sides all looked at Anxiety, standing awkwardly, swaying from exhaustion, and looking guilty. Patton was the first to react. He rushed up to Anxiety and almost knocked him over in a hug, quickly followed by Roman and then Logan.

The four of them continued to hug, sinking down back onto the floor again, and stayed like that for a while. None of them wanted to let go of the other for fear that they would be gone forever.

After a good long time of quality hugs, Logan was the first to detach himself. He cleared his throat and adjusted his tie.

“Anxiety, while this is perhaps not the appropriate location or timing for this conversation, there is still information being held from this current situation that would allow us to fully understand the events that have just unfolded. For example, none of us have two forms, would you care to elaborate?” Logan spoke carefully and delicately, as the last thing he wanted to do was push Anxiety over the edge again just as he had calmed down.

All three sides waited patiently as Anxiety adjusted his sitting position and ran a hand through his hair. None of them were prepared for what they were about to hear.

“I am not a new side. I travelled here from another realm. I used to be best friends with this… other side. We spent the whole of our childhood playing pranks and scaring our ‘friends’, like locking someone in a pitch black, damp and mouldy room for a few days, or the classic cyanide in food, which is really painful because a side can’t die from another side. I lived this way for twenty years, until I began to realise that my ‘best friend’ was not as amazing and carefree as I thought they were. I began to see that my friend, my ‘best friend for twenty years’ had been lying to me the whole time, and was just using me for my power over Thomas. They even made me change my form for them, because they said I didn’t look ‘the part’. That was when I knew I’d had enough. So, for the next eight years I fought against my friend to get away from them and got some pretty nasty scars in the process. Eventually, I managed to escape the realm and got to the forefront of Thomas’ mind, the conscious part of Thomas’ personality, the part that Thomas is aware of. And that’s where you all come in. As you have seen, I changed back to my old form when I got here, but my other one is the one that appears when I’m too anxious or using a lot of power. ” Anxiety finished and slumped back, terrified for what was coming next.

But it never came.

In fact, nothing happened for the next minute or so, everyone was so shocked. Anxiety hugged his knees and rocked a bit anxiously, but the other three sides were still processing what they had just heard.

Roman was taken aback. He had gotten so close to Anxiety, and just the thought of him being abused and manipulated filled him with disgust. He looked at the others, they were just as surprised and shocked. Roman turned and looked back to Anxiety, who looked as though he was about to have another panic attack in anxious anticipation.

“Er… well I must say… um… I’m speechless…” Roman attempted to break the long silence with comfort but he gave up realising that he had no idea what he was talking about. _Realms? Changing forms? Powers? How did Anxiety have powers and how was he from another part of Thomas’ mind? This doesn’t make sense…_

********************

Logan was reeling. There was so much to process. So many things to put in order. So many new things he was learning. Logan knew about one other realm, but he wasn’t willing to accept the fact that Anxiety could’ve come from there. _There must be another, there has to be. Anxiety can’t be… he isn’t..._

Logan looked at Patton, searching his face for his reaction. Patton seemed to have already gotten over the shock of the news, and was now smiling even though Logan could see the eyeshadow building up under his eyes from the influence of Anxiety’s room.

“Kiddo, I can’t deny that I’m a little shocked by this, but you gotta remember that we will always support you no matter what! We love you for who you are, not what you look like!” Patton had said what Logan didn’t have the communication skills to say, and what Roman was too proud to voice.

********************

Virgil couldn’t believe what he was hearing. He had just told the others one of his biggest secrets, and they were… ok with it? He had expected them to back away in horror, call him weird, different, and outcast. He was shocked when what he got was, understanding, acceptance, and love. These three sides cared about him. They cared enough to stay in his room to help him, even though they all knew the effects that his room had on them. Their eyes all had dark rings of eyeshadow forming under them, and Virgil knew that very soon things would get too much and it would start really affecting Thomas.

“We should, er, get out of my room. You guys need to get out of here.” It was only now because Virgil pointed it out that the others noticed the physical changes affecting them. Patton smiled and got to his feet, followed by Logan and Roman, and he extended a hand to help Virgil up as well.

“Let’s go down to the living room kiddo, I think we all are in need of some cookies!” Patton was the first to reach the door of Virgil’s room and he quickly exited, before Roman and Logan. Virgil was the last to exit and as he did he felt the cold grip of his room finally lessen. He knew it wasn’t healthy to have his room in such a state, but it was his room, and he couldn’t change that.

The four slowly headed downstairs and Patton conjured up some warm chocolate chip cookies. They all sat round the table and ate in silence for a while. Virgil was too worried to focus on anything, he couldn’t stop thinking about how the others had taken the information so well. _What if they were just in shock and they’re about to realise what I am? What if just as I let my guard down, one of them starts questioning me? Why aren’t they saying anything!?_

************************

Logan was quiet as he sat at the table, eating a cookie. He had to be, as his head was full of thoughts, theories, questions and ideas. He knew there was something in Anxiety’s story that was missing. So there was this ‘friend’, who was supposedly ‘two faced’. There was another realm. _At least that explains why we didn’t feel it when he arrived… he was already here?_

Logan continued to ponder these thoughts while absent mindedly nibbling his cookie that was now cold and hard. Something here didn’t add up. Logan kept playing with the jigsaw that was Anxiety, and after a few minutes he had put most of the pieces in place. He just needed to ask one thing.

“Er, Anxiety?” Logan thought about the best way to communicate this question. Gently, slowly, and to the point. Logan had now gathered the attention of the other three sides and he cleared his throat.

“So, er, I was wondering… would you mind telling me.. er… the.. name, of your friend?” Logan cursed himself for hesitating, but kept a straight face as he waited for Anxiety’s answer.

**********************

Virgil’s head exploded. Voices. Threats. It was getting too much again. But he couldn’t lose control again, he couldn’t make the others go through all of that. He could hear screams, voices telling him to stop, to not say anything, to go back to his room. Virgil closed his eyes for a second to try and clear his head.

**Don’t you dare Virgil, I’m warning you… thissss issss your lasssst chance…**

_You can’t tell me what to do. Not anymore. Not ever again._

“His name… was Deceit.” Virgil opened his eyes to see the varying expressions on the other sides’ faces. Logan looked a bit smug, maybe he had figured it out already. Virgil made a note to be extra careful around him for the next few days. Roman looked concerned, Virgil didn’t know how much the other sides knew, but it might be enough for Roman to have a darn good reason to be concerned. Very concerned. And then there was Patton. Patton looked… Virgil didn’t know how to read Patton. He looked a mix of sad, disappointed, and confused. Virgil didn’t know what to think. No one spoke for the next few minutes. 

When the silence was finally broken, it was Patton who spoke. He stood up and snapped his fingers, clearing the table of the plates and crumbs.

“I’m going to head up to my room kiddos, call me if you need anything.” Virgil wasn’t sure if he should go after Patton, but he got the vibe that he wanted to be left alone. That left the other two. But they sorted themselves out.

“Thank you, Anxiety, for opening up to us today. Please be assured that we don’t think any worse of you, you are still very much a part of this family and I certainly don’t intend that to change. However for the time being please excuse me, I must head up to my room.” Logan got up to leave and when he had disappeared from sight Virgil turned back round and looked expectantly at Roman.

“Hey hey hey what’s that face for?” Roman accused softly, his face calm and smiling.

“Aren’t you going to leave like all the others?” Virgil didn’t want to sound rude, but at this point he was so used to people leaving or disappearing around him that it wasn’t anything new.

“Well, I don’t particularly have anything I need to be doing, apart from a quest into the dreamscape. Would you care to join me?” Roman offered.

Virgil was shocked. Roman almost never let anyone into the dreamscape, he was so proud of it that he couldn’t bear anyone even coming close to ruin anything. Virgil was amazed that Roman trusted him to accompany him.

“Er, yes… please…?” Virgil stood up as Roman did the same, and the two walked up to Roman’s bedroom.

“Are you ready?” Roman smiled warmly, offering his hand to Virgil.

“Yeah. Let’s go.” Virgil took Roman’s hand and together they stood still as a spark started circling their intertwined hands, slowly splitting up and moving up the pair’s arms, getting bigger and bigger until it had enveloped them, and the short transportation began to the mysterious dreamscape.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So the next two chapters (When I've written them) will occur at the same time, but at different places... just so no one gets confused :)


	11. Facts and Logistics

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Logan needs some time to process, sift through the nonsense, and come to a reliable conclusion. Little does he know that there is indeed knowledge that is better left unknown...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry for the long wait, but now I'm on my summer holiday so I have a lot more time to dedicate to writing! Hopefully I can get chapter 12 out soon, but for now I hope you enjoy the chapter <3

Logan slammed his door shut behind him as he strode into his room. He was too preoccupied to apologise to the offended mumbles coming from Roman’s room, he was so busy thinking. Thinking about Anxiety.

So much had transpired in the past few hours that Logan needed time to recharge and sort all this new information out.

_In order to come to a stable and reliable conclusion, I must first think about all the information I have, sort it into order of occurrence, and piece together the parts, so in turn I will eventually be able to work out what information I need to find out to fully understand the situation… so let’s start at the beginning…_

Logan sat down on his chair and rested his feet on his desk, he took his glasses off and rubbed the bridge of his nose. He was thinking back to Anxiety’s first appearance, how he lied about being new, and how he lied about not being from another realm. _There must be something he’s leaving out… why didn’t he tell us right from the beginning? Maybe because he was too scared that if he told us the truth we would send him back? And while we’re on the subject, I am almost absolutely sure that none of us knew about another realm, does that mean there are more sides that we should know about? If Anxiety came from there, and he had a friend and others were mentioned… how many are there?_

Logan got up from his chair and began to pace his room. There was still so much to sort out, he hadn’t even gotten to the thick of it yet.

Next up was Anxiety’s… description of himself. Logan could remember his exact words still. _“I am Anxiety, I am the side that... protects Thomas. I can make him… think through every possible outcome of a situation. Yes, I may be scary and intimidating at some times, but that’s the only way I get people to listen to me.” Even now I sense a weird tone from that sentence, like Anxiety was… making it up as he went? Like he was saying it for the first time..._

As he fell into a steady rhythm, Logan was able to leave his pacing in the back of his mind and focus on the more pressing issues. There were more important things to think about….

_And what about that time when I was struggling with my OCD and Anxiety immediately knew everything before I could say anything? It’s like he… scanned me… or he could… sense it? Maybe he has a power unknown to us sides? Maybe it has something to do with his realm?_

He was getting near to the end, there was just a few more things to figure out…

_Anxiety has two forms. I didn’t even know that was possible for a side. I suppose it is possible, but why would it be necessary? We don’t need two forms… unless… we do have two forms… but we only change to them in that realm? What was it Anxiety said… “my other one is the one that appears when I’m too anxious or using a lot of power.” Theoretically, if any of us were to go to Anxiety’s realm, we would change too? It may even be possible to change here, providing we were put in a similar situation to Anxiety but tailored to our strengths..._

Logan sighed and sat back down at his desk, now he was getting into the big stuff.

_Ok so this realm that Anxiety spoke of. I assume it is similar to the one we are currently in, maybe exactly the same? Maybe the complete opposite. I am unsure, but he mentioned other sides living there… Maybe they mirror us like the realm might? They could be the opposite to us like the realm could be opposite to ours? It would make more sense than having two of the same, as that would be confusing and useless to Thomas…_

_Now the final piece of information I need to draw upon… Deceit. Anxiety said he was his best friend for twenty years. He said that they played pranks on each other, and that after all those years it turned out that Deceit had been lying to Anxiety and he was just using him. Using him for power. That must imply that Anxiety, wherever he comes from, is quite the respected figure, and has a lot of power and authority over the sides living there. I suppose it would make sense because deceit means misrepresenting the truth, more commonly known as lying. Being the embodiment of lies, I can only assume he used his power over Anxiety to create doubts and lies in his head, giving him nowhere to turn and no one to talk to…._

Logan suddenly stopped. Something small, a tiny thought, had just crossed his mind. All this time Logan had felt like there was something that he knew but just couldn’t quite remember it. And now, as he thought more and more about this strange new side, Deceit, he began to piece the missing pieces together. Logan got up and began pacing again.

“Ok.. so Deceit means lying. Deceit, should he follow the same rules as us, is the embodiment of lies. I have already theorised about the realm he lives in being opposite, alternate, to ours, and if the realm is alternate, the sides might well be alternate. If Deceit is and alternate version of one of us sides… he would be…” Logan stopped. He felt like a door had just opened in his brain, a door that had been locked by a strange, unknown force, bolted shut by lies. Memories flooded through, taking all his focus and concentration. Everything was beginning to make sense. Now he knew why he hadn’t been able to remember things.

“I was lied to. Forced… to forget.” Logan had the answers now. And he was worried. He knew what Deceit was… 

“Patton’s dark side…”


	12. Time Flies with Starry Skies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Virgil and Roman have an adventure in the dreamscape, and they have a nice chat.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am sorry it has been almost a month since my last post. You'd think that with the summer holidays I would post more? Oh no sir... but anyway here is chapter 12, and once again i would like to remind y'all that this is taking place the same time as chapter 11... it's not too important but its for consistency... right I'll go now, enjoy!

Virgil’s eyes snapped open as he felt his feet come into firm contact with the ground. He immediately regretted his decision as his eyes were met with the beaming light of a sunny day. Squinting, Virgil made out a small wood not too far away, surrounded by fields of healthy green grass.

After his eyes had become accustomed to the light, Virgil looked around a bit more. There was not a cloud in the sky, a soft, gentle breeze blew on his face, making his hair tickle his face and force him to brush it out of the way. It was at this point that Virgil finally realised what his other hand was doing. He looked down at it. It was firmly intertwined with another.

Virgil slowly moved his gaze up, up the arm attached to the hand, up to the shoulder and neck, and finally to the face. The face with strong, accentuated cheekbones, a smooth lightly freckled complexion, and a warm smile upon it. Roman.

When neither of them expressed any problem with holding hands, Roman started to speak.

“Come on! Let’s have some fun, what music do you like?” Roman began to walk to the woods, pulling Virgil behind him, and forcing him to jog to catch up.

“Er, well, the new Panic! At The Disco album, Pray for the Wicked, came out a couple months ago, and it’s got some goo-” Virgil began, but was cut off by Roman.

“Say no more! Pray for the Wicked, as you wish!” Roman waved his free hand in a grand gesture, and suddenly Virgil heard the intro to Say Amen (Saturday Night) playing. What was weird was that it was incredibly good quality sound and even weirder, there were no visible speakers in the area.

“How… how is there music playing?” Virgil questioned Roman, whose face lit up with a smile as he responded.

“Ah, you see, in my dreamscape, I control everything. Everything you see before you now has been created by my mind. You can hear music because I am thinking about playing it now. If I get distracted or there are too many things to think about, the music will stop playing.” Roman explained.

“Oh cool… so what do you think of Panic! At the Disco?” Virgil asked, worried that if he didn’t ask a question things would get awkward.

Roman paused to listen to the song that was playing. Virgil decided that he very much liked the way Roman’s brown furrowed when he was concentrating, and his little squint as he tried to focus on the song.

“Well, it isn’t my taste, but it is very catchy, I’ll give you that.” Roman replied, as he dragged Virgil into the woods.

Virgil didn’t question further. He knew it was a victory for him that Roman had admitted that he found one of his ‘emo songs’ catchy. Instead, Virgil let the music flow around him as he admired the scenery. For once, he didn’t feel anxious at all.

“So…. what do you want to do?” Virgil asked.

“Hmmm, how about a dance off to these catchy emo songs?” Roman answered with a grin.

Virgil knew Roman. He liked to think that he knew him quite well. He had expected Roman to suggest any things, like hide and seek, or sitting and chatting, or climbing a tree… but one thing Virgil had not expected from Roman… was an invitation to a dance off.

“Oh it. Is. On” Virgil smirked. 

Roman’s face lit up as Virgil accepted his challenge. “I suggest we switch to a more… suitable song then…” Virgil laughed as the opening bars to “Dancing’s Not A Crime” started playing.

And so they fought. And they danced. And they laughed. Virgil was able to let go of his self consciousness around Roman and twirled and stomped his way through song after song, making his way to what he thought was a sure triumph. The pair slowly moved further and further into the forest.

Virgil was spinning and jumping, he was doing a series of turns, rapidly moving away from Roman. His eyes shut, enjoying the freedom and the light hearted banter. He didn’t realise that the sun shining through the trees had been blocked by thick, heavy canopy. He didn’t notice the tree trunks gradually getting thicker and the trees becoming more dense. He didn’t feel that the temperature had dropped a few degrees. He didn’t hear that the music had stopped. He didn’t realise he’s spun too far away from Roman until he heard a yell and his eyes snapped open. His eyes opened, just in time to see his foot slip and he began to fall down a steep bank. He tried to grab onto something to stop himself from falling, but it was too late.

“Argghh!” Virgil slipped, out of control and unable to stop himself from falling down the incredibly steep slope, but then suddenly, out of nowhere, he felt something grip and hold firmly onto his arm. The something yanked him upwards and into the air, as if he were light as a feather. He was caught lightly and held close. Virgil looked up, fear in his eyes, into the eyes of his saviour.

Roman looked back at him, eyes filled with worry. Virgil immediately relaxed, he knew he was safe in Roman’s strong arms.

“You have no idea what you just almost fell into, do you?” Roman whispered hoarsely.

“N- no?” Virgil was still shaken from the recent events.

“That slope right there leads to a river, a vast and fast-flowing one. It is the River of Repression. Anything that falls down there is immediately destroyed from Thomas’ memory. It is the only way a side can truly die.” Roman explained. Virgil understood now why Roman was so worried.

“I’m glad you saved me.” That was the only thing Virgil could think of in response to what he had just heard.

“So am I” Roman gently put Virgil down, making sure his knees didn’t give way underneath him. “How about we call the dance battle a tie and go and find somewhere to sit and talk about stuff?”

“Y- yeah, that sounds good.” Virgil followed Roman as he led them to a small clearing, where the sun was shining warmly down on them and there was lots of soft, springy moss to sit on.

The two collapsed onto the ground together, both still in shock after what had just happened. Virgil was beginning to worry a little about what Roman meant by ‘talking about stuff’, but he tried to brush it off. _I guess I’ll find out soon enough anyway…_

“So, er… what do you want to talk about?” Virgil asked casually.

“Erm, well, while I have questions about recent events regarding your anxiety attack and form change, I would mainly like to get to know you. Just you. I want to know what you like, dislike, what your favourite disney movie is, maybe a little bit about your background. But most importantly, lets just have a little fun, and try to calm down after a stressful few days. Does that sound ok to you?” Roman suggested carefully, his expression hopeful.

Virgil was touched. He had definitely expected Roman to immediately press him for answers and put him in an uncomfortable situation. He had expected Roman to interrogate him. He had already assumed that Roman didn’t truly forgive him for doing what he did and being what he is, in the back of his mind he was just waiting for Roman to lose his mask of kindness and start asking awkward questions. He did not expect Roman to be kind, careful and thoughtful. Virgil smirked. _I could get used to this…_

“Alright then. Ask away. I’ll be completely honest with you.” Virgil felt ready for anything.

“Ok. Quick fire round! Favourite disney movie?” Roman began.

“Black cauldron.”

“Favourite band?”

“Twenty One Pilots and Panic! At The Disco.”

“Thats two bands.”

“Don’t make me choose between my smol emo beans and my smol forehead bean.”

“Ok… I’ll just nod and pretend like I know what you’re talking about… how about… three things you like?”

Virgil paused. He started to speak but was quickly cut off by Roman.

“And don’t even think about saying ‘I don’t like anything’, because I know you have a heart, you can’t get around me.”

_Damnit._

“Err ok… three things… I like my music, my family, and… _you_ erm.. Patton’s…. Cooking.” Virgil definitely didn’t miss the faint disappointment on Roman’s face after he had finished his sentence.

“Ok… this one shouldn’t be too hard, three things you don’t like?”

Virgil grinned. “Easy. I don’t like loud noises, bright lights, and surprises. And those are just the first things that came into my head. Believe me there are many more.”

“Am I on that list?”

Virgil looked up at Roman. His face was hopeful, yet resigned.

“Of course you’re not. Why would you think that?” Virgil’s face softened in concern. _What if I didn’t completely get rid of his fears? What if I hardly did anything? Am I a failure? He doesn’t think I like him… he probably doesn’t even like me…_

“Oh thats… good to hear.” Roman smiled. “For the record, you’re not on my dislike list either.”

Virgil felt a very warm feeling. _Hmm, that’s new._

“Ok, so I know we’ve barely scratched the surface on getting to know each other, but I would really like to know a bit more about the more recent events… if that’s alright with you?” Roman asked tentatively.

Virgil’s heart fluttered. And not in a good way. _Ah, well, I’m sure a certain someone would have shown up to spill the beans anyway, and what’s the worst Roman can ask?_

“Uh, yeah sure. Go ahead”

Roman smiled appreciatively and continued. “So, can you run that whole, ‘I have two forms’, thing by me again? I didn’t really process what you were saying at the time…”

Virgil swallowed nervously. He felt like he was being watched. _Don’t say anything stupid Virgil, don’t let him ask the awkward questions…_

“Well, as you know, I come from another realm, dimension, part of Thomas’ mind, whatever you call it. I’m not entirely sure why, but I had a different form there to what I have now. For some reason, it changed when I arrived here. I know two ways to change back into it so far. The first way is when I’m really really anxious, and the second way is when I’m using a lot of power. Does that answer your question?” _Careful Virgil… don’t get carried away here…_

Virgil watched as Roman took this information in, and then nod. “Ok, yeah, that’s pretty cool. I wonder if that can happen to us sides? Do we have to be anxious or something else? And do we have powers as well?”

Virgil was surprised. Roman was actually bringing up some good ideas. “I suppose we could test it sometime, but as of now, I don’t know…”

Roman looked excited. “Oooh maybe I can get a cool looking new outfit! Wouldn’t that be the best?!”

Virgil shook his head, laughing. _Trust Roman to be thinking about fashion in this moment…_ “So is there anything else you want to know?”

“Uhh, actually yes. Can you tell me a little bit more about… Deceit?” Roman was very hesitant. _It’s like he doesn’t want to upset me. That’s nice._

“Uh.. sure. So Deceit was my best friend. We hung out all day, almost everyday, for the first twenty years of Thomas’ life. We pulled pranks, played games, and ‘helped Thomas’. Except we didn’t help Thomas. I was tricked into thinking that what I was doing was my own will, when in reality it was all Deceit. I was manipulated, controlled, and forced to do things that I wouldn’t even dream of doing now. Deceit is a very tricky side, he speaks only in lies, and he twists reality until you don’t know fiction from fact anymore.” 

Virgil edged closer to Roman, it was getting darker and slightly cold, he could see the first signs of stars appearing in the beautiful clear sky. _Trust Roman to create the most perfect and colourful sunset._

“Ok… I’m sorry you had to deal with that kind of treatment for so long. And then you said that you realised what was happening and tried to get away?” Roman prompted.

“Y- yeah. I fought with him for… eight years. I managed to get away from him and escape here, but he’s found a way back into my thoughts. I get hallucinations, dreams, visions of him. And then earlier he actually appeared in the flesh. I don’t know how, but he did. I don’t know how much power that took from him, but I can pretty much safely say that won’t be the last I see of him. He will be back, and he won’t stop until he leaves with what he wants.”

“Oh? And what does he want?”

Virgil shifted uncomfortably. He still remembered the conversation with Deceit vividly.

“He wants… me. And he says that if I don’t go with him he’ll do stuff to you… and I don’t know what to do because I don’t think I can bear another day back there with him but never in a million years would I want anything to happen to you….” Virgil’s voice trailed off as it filled with emotion. He closed his eyes and burrowed into Roman, trying to escape the harsh reality for even a minute.

Roman didn’t know what to do. He was sat there with Anxiety curled up next to him, clearly still shaken from the torturous events of his past. Then, he had an idea.

Virgil heard the first few bars of a song, he opened his eyes and gasped in awe. The sky had turned a beautiful midnight blue, and stars were sprinkled all across it, shimmering kindly down upon the pair. A impossibly large full moon beamed down on the two as they sat together, sharing the space and the heat. Virgil looked up at Roman from his place next to his shoulder.

“This is beautiful.” Was all he could manage.

Roman chuckled softly. “Logan’s told me enough times how calming the night sky is. How deep and mysterious the stars are, how round and beautiful the moon is, how grounding it is to listen to soft music… but he never told me how amazing it feels to share the experience with another.”

Virgil let himself slide down so that his head was resting in Roman’s lap. He felt comfortable. Safe. He felt that, as long as Roman was around, nothing could hurt him.

“Th- thank you…” Virgil could almost feel Roman smiling. He curled into Roman, still staring into the sky, his eyes dancing from star to star.

Roman felt the happiest he’d been in years. He reached out a hand to lightly stroke Anxiety’s hair, and was even more elated when he got no complaints.

The pair stayed in this position, huddled up together, for quite a while. It was only when Roman almost fell asleep and headbutted Anxiety that he realised that they still needed to get back or someone would worry.

“We should, er, get back....” Roman smiled as he watched Anxiety lift his head sleepily. It was nice to see that Anxiety trusted him so much that he could just fall asleep and not worry about being judged or disturbed.

“Urgghh, ok.” Virgil accepted Roman’s hand and pulled himself up, but unfortunately he didn’t anticipate Roman being so strong, so their combined strength pulled Virgil off balance. It would have been fine if Virgil had landed on the flat ground, but that was sadly not the case, he landed on a tree root and tripped. Of course Roman caught him and held him close again, but this time Virgil just laughed.

“I thought we’d already done this bit…” Virgil remembered the scary events that occured not even six hours ago.

“I know I’m charming, but you don’t have to… fall for me…” Roman couldn’t resist. It was the perfect opportunity.

Virgil groaned. “That’s hardly original, Princey…”

“Oh? You think I’m not original? Am I not good enough for you?” Roman put a hand to his head dramatically and pulled a face.

“No… you’re… perfect… just the way you are…” Virgil put a hand through his hair awkwardly. He looked up to see Roman’s face less that two inches away from his own.

“I don’t know what to say…” Roman was amazed. He didn’t think it was possible for Anxiety to say genuine nice things. It was the cutest thing on earth, watching his face flush and an awkward smile appear on it.

The pair’s eyes locked. Beautiful chestnut brown to deep purple. They stood there for what seemed like an eternity, but neither of them cared.

Virgil was the first to break the spell. “We should, er… head back…”

“Y- yeah…” Roman offered his hand to Anxiety, like he had to begin with, and they let the spark work its magic, circling their fingers and torsos, carrying them back to the mindscape.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah well that's that. I feel like I need to clarify some stuff. While some people may know what I mean by "smol emo beans and smol forehead bean", I think it's only fair to explain just in case. I'm talking about twenty one pilots and brendon urie. Go check them out they are amazing XD. Also, I don't think I established a posting schedule but if I did, please forget it because I can't see myself ever posting on time again... so I'll see you next time... with possibly a two parter?


	13. True Colours (Part One)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> PLEASE NOTE- This chapter takes place the same time as chapter 11 and 12, so while Logan was in his room figuring things out, and Anxiety and Roman were in the dreamscape, Patton is having a bit of a hard time...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm SORRY OK... I never meant to leave it so long... but it took me a good long time figuring out the finer details of this chapter because stuff said here could affect other chapters and I wanted to make sure I knew exactly what I wanted to get across... anyway it's happened now and here is part one of a two part chapter. (TW- shouting, deceit)

Patton stirred from his position in his bed. He struggled with the many blankets he was wrapped up in and got slowly out of bed. He had a splitting headache that had been getting progressively worse for the past few hours. He paced his room, rubbing his head. He couldn’t stop thinking about Deceit and all the events of earlier. He couldn’t push the thoughts of his early years with him away. All the torture Patton had to go through and all the mistakes he made were suddenly crowding in the front of his mind, it was like a crowd of people all talking to him at once. Visual memories flicked past, but only briefly. They were all blurred but Patton could always make out two figures, one was obviously Deceit, but the other was odd, it was like the figure was there, but the visual image had been ripped out of his memory. All that was left was the blurry outline of someone, but try as he might, Patton could never remember who. Patton had just assumed it was another dark side, but couldn’t begin to think which one.

Patton moved towards his bedroom door. _Hot chocolate fixes everything. I just need to go downstairs and make a hot chocolate, and try to forget about all this._

Unfortunately, Patton didn’t make it as far as his bedroom door, because he was knocked out by a sudden blackout and a suffocating blanket of smoke. He fell back against his bed, out cold.

**Why hello there Patton… it’sss been too long…**

_Who’s that? How can I hear you? Can you hear me? What’s happening?_

**I’m jussst an… old friend… and don’t worry about how you can hear me… I’m sssimply trying to sssee if you’re ok...**

_Oh! I’m fine, I think, I’m just a little confused… why do you want to talk to me?_

**I wanted to warn you… about your fellow sside… Anxiety…**

_What do you mean? Anxiety is fine, there’s nothing wrong with him! Why do you need to warn me??_

**Are you ssure there’s nothing wrong with him? Have you ever been in his room? It’ss all dark and ssscary, and hisss appearance iss different to your own.. It’sss all dark and ssmokey. Not to mention the fact that he always seemss to just appear out of nowhere… He’sss not like you all, he doesn’t belong with you.. Have you ever sstopped to think about why he’sss called Anxiety? Anxiety iss a disorder…**

_A.. Disorder? How is that possible? I just thought that as Thomas grows and develops, more traits emerge and become more or less dominant, and Anxiety was created when he was needed… he’s not a disorder is he? He would never hurt us…_

**Oh but he would… Anxiety would do anything for a little more power, a little more control over Thomasss… I believe I know him better than you, we spent our childhood together, he was alwaysss loud and commanding, I sssuppose it’s only a matter of time before he decides to show his true colourss…**

_I- I… I don’t know what to say… I feel so betrayed… what do I do?_

**You should warn the others at your first opportunity. Do not tell Anxiety about your plan or he will run away and then no one will gain from this. You need to group together and bring him to me. You will know where to find me. Trussst your instinctsss….**

************************

Patton woke with a jolt. His vision was blurred and the room was spinning. _I must have passed out, how weird..._

Getting up slowly, Patton headed for his door again. He was getting that hot chocolate, no matter how many times he passed out.

As he entered the kitchen, Patton noticed Anxiety lying face down in the living room on the couch, scrolling through tumblr. _Even his presence is creepy… and he has a dark aura around him… not to mention his pale skin and hollow face.._

Patton continued to the kitchen, getting his favourite mug and putting the kettle on. He waited, back turned to the living room, for the water to boil so he could make his favourite drink.

“Hey, Patt.” Patton turned around with a screech to see Anxiety, inches from his face, with a odd, twisted look on his own features.

“Oh, hi Anxiety.. I, er, didn’t see you t- there…” Was all Patton managed to say.

Anxiety continued to stare for a few seconds more, before he wordlessly turned around and headed back to his place on the couch.

Patton went back to making his drink. _I’ve never seen Anxiety acting so weird… he’s acting like a… disorder…_

Suddenly, Patton remembered. He remembered the conversation he’d had in his head while he was knocked out. He’d been talking to a voice… and it had warned him… about Anxiety…

**Do you believe me now.. Patton?**

Patton wasn’t even bothered by how he could hear this voice, he was focusing on other issues, like how all the things it had said earlier were true, and how he needed to act quickly or others could get hurt…

_Y- yes…_

************************

Patton was on the hunt. He was searching the mindscape, looking high and low for someone, anyone to talk to. _Except Anxiety. Anyone except Anxiety.._

He listened outside Logan’s door, trying to determine whether anyone was occupying it. He heard a small shuffle inside so he knocked and immediately entered.

“Logan! Hi, Logan! How are you?” Patton turned on his brightest smile.

“Er.. salutations Patton. I must say, you gave me quite a scare…” Logan looked at Patton curiously.

“Oh whoops, I suppose I was quite anxious to talk to you!” Patton replied with a smile still on his face.

“Oh? What was it you wanted to tell me?” Logan sat down on the edge of his bed and turned to face Patton.

Patton’s smile vanished. A deadly serious expression on his face. His voice dropped a whole octave.

“I need to warn you… about Anxiety…”

************************

Twenty minutes later, Patton had finished telling Logan his worry. Logan was sat, with his head in his hands, his expression unreadable.

“S- so, you’re proposing that we should get rid of Anxiety, because he is a danger to us all?” Asked Logan.

“Yes! He isn’t like us, and he could betray our trust any time now!” Patton was glad that Logan was seeing his side of the story.

“I, uh, suppose we could, er, talk to Anxiety… Just to be safe.” Logan finally agreed.

“Aw thank you Lo, I’m really happy you’re supporting me! How about we go and talk to Roman first?” Patton gushed.

“Er, okay.” Logan looked uncomfortable, but whatever was bothering him wasn’t going to get in the way of him getting on Patton’s good side.

So the two sides made their way out of Logan’s bedroom and to Roman’s room, but before they got there, the creative side himself came out of his room, hastily shutting the door behind him.

“Hey! I heard you two coming down the hall and assumed you’d probably want to talk to me, what’s the problem?” Roman greeted Patton and Logan with a wide smile.

“Roman! I need to talk to you about Anxiety! He’s a bad influence to Thomas and he needs to be removed from the mindscape!” Patton was bouncing on the balls of his feet, which was very unlike him, as Roman knew of the strong connection he and Anxiety shared, so it was very out of character for Patton to be so determined about a situation such as this.

“Uh, hold on here, Patton… you’re trying to tell me that Anxiety is dangerous? And he needs to go? Go where? How long? Surely not forever? I thought you liked him…” Roman was deeply confused, but Patton immediately responded.

“Anxiety is a TRAITOR! He can’t be trusted! He’s a heartless, remorseless TRAITOR!” Patton stamped his foot in rage, frustrated that Roman wasn’t as easy to convince as Logan.

Roman was taken aback. He couldn’t believe what he was hearing. Patton was the sweetest, friendliest, calmest side in the entire mindscape. What could have happened to distress him this much?

“Patton, I think you really need to calm down here, it’s been a stressful past few days and I think you should at least give Anxiety a chan-” Roman started to reason, but was cut off.

“I WILL NOT GIVE ANXIETY A CHANCE! I WILL NOT LISTEN TO ANYTHING ANXIETY HAS TO SAY! HE CAN’T STAY HERE ANY LONGER OR HE WILL BETRAY US ALL!” Patton screamed manically. Logan stood just behind Patton, his face set.

Roman started to speak, to try to retaliate, to fight for the one he loved, but he stopped himself as he heard a door open and close behind him. His door. To his room. The one in which he and Anxiety had just been hanging out after getting back from their date in the dreamscape. Roman slowly turned around to see…

“Anxiety…” Roman’s voice was barely audible, as he was lost for words at the sight before him.

Anxiety’s face was soaked with tears, his eyeshadow was dripping down his face and off his chin. His beautiful silvery purple eyes were now red and puffy, his hair was messy.

Roman knew his walls and door weren’t soundproof.

Anxiety had heard it all.

“W- what’s going o- on?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> haha I leave y'all for over a month and now you have to wait with that cliffhanger mwahaha I'm evil... but yeah I hope to not take over a month to write a chapter next time, and if you want to shout at me to get writing feel free to drop an ask over on my tumblr (@virgilsanders72), I post some sanders sides memes and other stuff <3


	14. True Colours (Part Two)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> PLEASE NOTE- This chapter is set immediately after the last, so if you haven't read any of the previous chapters, you should at least read that one lol

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for leaving y'all on a cliffhanger, but here's part two, enjoy!

Roman couldn’t bear to see Anxiety so worked up, he quickly scooped him into a hug, while whispering reassurances into his ear, explaining that Patton was not in his right mind, and that he wasn’t going to be removed from any mindscapes.

“It’s gonna be ok, we can handle this.” Roman whispered as he pulled away from the hug. He studied Anxiety’s face, which was smudged with eyeshadow but at least he had stopped crying.

Anxiety wiped his eyes on his sleeve. He looked at Roman, his eyes silently thanking him for staying on his side. He then turned to face an enraged Patton and Logan.

“What did I do that is so bad?” He asked, but his voice shook.

Patton’s face seemed to get even redder. His hands balled into fists.

“You’re just you! You don’t fit in here! You’re not like us! You weren’t here from the start! You sneak up on people! Just earlier today you came up behind me in the kitchen and scared the living daylights out of me! THAT’S NOT NORMAL!” Patton’s voice raised to a shout.

“Hang on a second…” Roman cut in, “Anxiety has been with me all day, and we weren’t even in the mindscape, how could he have scared you Patton?”

************************

Virgil’s ears pricked. He’d been trying to make sense of this whole situation for the whole of the last ten minutes, until it clicked. It didn’t make sense. It wasn’t meant to. Patton was acting like he’d been possessed by a demon and for some reason Logan had decided it was a good idea to support him. Thankfully Roman hadn’t been fooled by this stupid ordeal. But now Virgil understood. _I just need a little more proof…_

Virgil turned his head back to Patton to hear is response to Roman. He just needed a tiny hint, a little glitch…

“I DON’T CARE HOW HE DID IT! HE’S A TRAITOR AND HE NEEDS TO GO!” Patton’s eyes blazed. But not in the way Virgil had been expecting. Instead of flashing momentarily, Patton’s eyes glowed the faintest... _yellow…_

_I’ve got you now. You thought you could make me forget about you and Patt? Nah I’m all over you… I know who you’re a dark side to now you slippery snake..._ Virgil thought, as if he could hear him.

Virgil turned to Roman. “I know what’s going on here.” He lowered his voice, “You’re gonna have to trust me big time on this, but… I need you to tackle Patton and get his arms behind his back. I need to do something, but I’m not sure he’ll be very willing, so it’s just in case. Can you do it?”

Virgil knew it sounded absurd, he was asking Roman to tackle one of his best friends, which went against all morals… _But we don’t really have a side that can tell us this is wrong at the moment, and that’s why we’re doing this…_

Roman hesitated. “Are you sure?” He asked.

“Absolutely. Don’t worry, I won’t hurt him, I would never dream of it.” Virgil said, while he looked meaningfully at Logan, who still looked a little lost.

“O- ok then. On three. One… two… three!” Roman suddenly leapt forward and twisted Patton around, and Patton was so full of anger and rage that his reflexes and reactions had temporarily abandoned him. He was caught with his hands secured behind his back within a matter of seconds.

“Thanks.” Virgil nodded appreciatively, and he stepped forward. He knew that what he was about to do next, had to be extremely quick. He didn’t want to have to explain himself to the others.

Virgil briefly caught Logan’s eye. The logical side was just standing there, he hadn’t tried to stop Roman, he hadn’t moved an inch since Virgil had come out of Roman’s room. Virgil was about to reassure him, but then he remembered that Logan had agreed to support Patton in getting rid of him, and any sympathy Virgil had for Logan immediately vanished.

Virgil faced Patton, he locked eyes with the struggling side. He raised his right hand and placed his palm on the side’s forehead. Virgil closed his eyes and quickly looked into Patton’s mind. It didn’t take long to find what he was looking for, he saw a bright yellow orb, with yellow vines branching off it, and Virgil used his own mind to grab the seed that had been planted only hours ago and pull it out of Patton’s.

It was as quick as that. Virgil removed the seed and brought it into the physical mindscape, and quickly waved it away with a small spark. A small chill ran down his spine, but he shook it off.

He looked around, Logan and Roman hadn’t noticed, they were too busy looking at Patton, who was quickly heading to the floor. Luckily Roman, who was closest, managed to catch him before his head hit the ground.

“WHAT DID YOU DO TO HIM??!!” Logan screamed as he rushed to the unconscious side. Patton lay, lifeless, in Roman’s arms. Roman also looked up at Virgil, a worried expression on his face.

“Don’t worry, he’s only unconscious, actually, he has been for the past few hours. Ok, Logan, I know you probably don’t trust me right now but I need you to listen. You need to go and check on Thomas. He’s been without a moral side for quite a bit of time now and I know Joan and Talyn were here sometime today. Try to override his lack of empathy and kindness. I’ll try to join you as soon as I’ve sorted Patton out.” Virgil commanded, taking charge.

Logan nodded. With one last look at Patton, he rose up to the real world to help Thomas.

Virgil looked back at Roman. “Roman, thank you for all you’ve done, and for sticking up for me. I just have one more request, can you go and get a blanket for Patton from the living room? He’s really cold..”

Roman carefully got up, making sure not to drop Patton, who he was still holding. He laid the unconscious side on the floor and headed for the door. “Of course, I’ll be back in a bit.” And with that, Roman was gone, leaving Virgil with Patton.

“Ok, let’s see what I can do with you.” Virgil placed his hand back on Patton’s forehead and once again delved into his mind. He knew that Deceit would have made precautions in case his seed was taken out of a victim’s mind. Virgil was looking for any bad emotions that will have been scattered as a side effect. He also knew that a particular side effect was overwhelming anxiety and guilt, that would be so strong it would render the victim unconscious. _The only side this trick would never work on was me…_

After a couple more seconds of looking, Virgil found what he was searching for. A fairly large, black orb, that was embedded into the furthest corner of Patton’s mind. This was the anxiety that was spreading guilt, fear and sadness through Patton’s head, overwhelming his thinking, and rendering him lifeless.

Virgil focused all his energy and pulled. He pulled and pulled until he had a firm grip around it. He then quickly brought the orb out into the mindscape and used another spark to remove it. And that was all it took. Patton’s eyes shot open, he sat up slowly, confused as to why he was lying on the floor outside Roman’s bedroom.

“Hey, Patt.” Virgil chuckled as he found himself repeating the exact phrase he had been accused of saying earlier. Patton looked around, his eyes wide.

“Oh my gosh, kiddo! I’m so sorry! I didn’t mean to! I would never-” Patton started to apologise, but Virgil stopped him abruptly.

“Don’t worry about it. I know it wasn’t your fault, it was Deceit. He planted a seed in your head earlier and you couldn’t have done anything to stop it. He even created a vision of me acting weird to make you believe his lies. He can be…. quite... convincing…” Virgil trailed off. _That’s a story for another time…_

“Patton!” Roman had returned, with the fluffiest blanket he could find, and he knelt down next to a still clearly distressed Patton, wrapping the blanket around him.

“Roman I’m so sorry I didn’t mean to it was just-” Patton started, but was once again cut off.

“No need to worry, my brave knight, none of us are holding it against you. We can all see that it wasn’t your fault and it’s all sorted out now, so let’s not dwell on it!” Roman smiled at Patton and gave him a hug.

Virgil smiled. He was so lucky to have met a side as wonderful as Roman. He always seemed to know what to say to comfort a side, and he was so compassionate… most of the time…

“I wish I didn’t have to break this up, but I think we should go and check on Thomas, Logan’s been doing his best but he can’t really compete with you, Patton. Thomas isn’t Thomas without his morality.” Virgil offered his hand to Patton while Roman took the other. When Patton was on his feet, he gave the two sides another big hug.

“Thank you both so much, kiddos. I’m not proud of what I did, but I’m so glad that you two were so accepting and kind. Thank you..” Patton pulled away, his eyes glistening.

“Aww no problem, Patt. Now, let’s go and see how Logan is handling things.” The three sides rose up together to join Logan, and at last, it seemed as if peace had finally come to the mindscape.

 

 

 

 

 

Or had it?

***********************

Deceit paced angrily. He seemed to have been pacing a lot recently. He had a lot of anger to walk off. Yet another plan had been ruined by the little minx. He was so sure that Patton would have been his perfect little minion, but perhaps he had rushed him a little too much. He should have let the seed grow, and tangle, and twist the little side’s mind until it was more twisted than his own. But alas, his plan had failed, and there was nothing else he could do.

**Unlessss….**

Deceit stopped pacing, lost in thought. 

**Unlesss, I wait for my jem to come to me… then I can make him a deal that would be impossible for him to leave behind…**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel like I need to clarify, the reason I sometimes call Virgil "Anxiety" and other times "Virgil", is because of the different points of view, so if I'm writing from Roman, Patton, or Logan's perspective, Virgil will be called Anxiety, and if I'm writing from Virgil's perspective, then of course his name is Virgil. (there will be a name reveal at some point but not for now..)
> 
> So anyway, I hope you guys liked my first two part chapter! I might do more of these but we'll see where our story takes us... also go check out my tumblr (@virgilsanders72) ((yes I know its a shameless promo))


	15. Unravelling Secrets

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The sides have a deep conversation about pretty much everything, minus the secrets that aren't ready to be revealed.. yet?

Virgil sat uncomfortably next to his fellow sides, watching the final scenes of a Stephen Universe episode with a warm coffee in his hands. He could almost see the awkward tension radiating off each side, none were touching another, even though they all sat together on the same couch.

The end credits rolled and the tv screen turned black shortly afterwards. No one moved to put something else on, and the tension that Virgil was sure they all felt reached breaking point. He let out a sigh and stood up, turning to face the others.

“Look, I know it’s been an emotional past few hours, and there are so many questions you have and things that seem completely unconnected right now, so how about we use this time to sort all this out? I can try to answer all your questions and we can work through this all together…?” Virgil trailed off, looking awkward.

“I think that’s a great idea, Anxiety, what we don’t want to do right now is assume false information and make anything any more complicated than things already are.” Roman’s deep and soothing voice came to Virgil’s rescue.

“Well, I suppose so, I probably also have some explaining to do too, so let’s get this going while we have time to do it!” Patton joined the conversation, agreeing with Roman.

“I, uh, agree, that some, statistics should be… confirmed.” Logan prompted.

“Uhh, actually I had a question about Deceit…” Roman started, “Why did it take him as long as it did to start messing with us? Why not as soon as you got here?”

Virgil paused. _That’s a good question… but nothing I don’t know._

“So you see, you guys know that Deceit has powers that come with his control over Thomas. While those powers are mostly linked to his side, he also has a general power, which he can grow and develop into different types, but he needs to.. steal power to, uh, grow it. And then when he’s taken enough power, he can use it pretty much however he wants… for example, create visions of himself in other realms…” Virgil trailed off, as he realised how messed up that really was.  
“Anyway, the reason it took him so long after I got here was because taking power takes a long time, so for Deceit that was ‘as soon as possible’, while in our perspective it took a fair bit of time.”

“That’s, uh… weird and… foreboding…” Roman commented, “So can you explain this power thing to us again?” Virgil nodded and spoke again.

“Ok, this is kinda confusing, because you’d think that there is no point having powers in a mindscape, but for some reason we have them, so we may as well use them. Every side has a power that is linked to their own control over Thomas. But they also have an internal power, that can be used for most anything. Before you ask, no I don’t know what your powers are, it’s kinda something you have to find at the right time and place, you can’t force it. But once you have found them, they can be quite handy in your everyday life…” Virgil hesitated, wondering whether he should continue and say what he was going to say.

Logan noticed. “Anxiety? Do you… have your powers yet?” Virgil took a deep breath.

“Yeah, I found them when Thomas was five, it was his first winter with heavy snow. I found that I loved winter and the cold, its one of the reasons Thomas never finds it hard to go out in the winter, anyway yeah so my powers are linked to the cold…” Virgil held out the palm of his hand as he finished speaking. His palm was glowing faint blue.

“What? What did you do?” Roman exclaimed, insanely jealous.

“Shhh..” Virgil smiled and pointed up to the ceiling. The others followed his gaze and gasped, as they saw tiny snowflakes drifting down.

“You can make it snow? Oh my goodness you’re like the real life version of Elsa!” Patton squealed excitedly, as he tried to catch the snowflakes.

Virgil grinned, “Yeah, and do you remember when we had hot chocolate that one time, Patton? You asked me how I could possibly drink it so quickly because it was so hot? I might have used a bit of power to cool it…”

“Oh so that’s what you mean by ‘helping us with everyday life’, it could speed up processes, or possibly act as a defence?” Logan theorised.

“Yeah, pretty much.”

“And you talked about changing appearance when you used power? Why has this not happened now?” Logan gestured to Anxiety as he said this.

“Simple, I’m not using enough power to change. I think the only reason I change is because the form I change to is stronger than my current form, and it can take more power and energy being channelled through it. To be honest, if you ask me, I’d bet that you guys have forms too, Roman suggested it a while back and I think he’s right.” Virgil waved his hand and the snow stopped, much to Patton’s disappointment.

“Oh, and also my form changes when I’m especially anxious, or afraid. I don’t know how that relates to you guys though…” Virgil sat back down in front of the other three sides.

They all sat in thoughtful silence for a few seconds while they took in this new information. _I suppose it’s not everyday you’re told you have magical abilities…_

“Er.. Anxiety? What exactly is Deceit? I mean, we know he’s a side, but you can hardly call him a normal side like us..” Roman asked.

“Ah yeah, I suppose we need to come up with a name to separate us from him. Uhh, well from what I know about his realm, it’s a lot darker than here-” Virgil started but stopped abruptly as Roman leapt up triumphantly.

“Dark side! He’s a dark side and we’re light sides! Dark in physical appearance, dark in nature!” Roman looked pleased with himself.

“Yeah sure that’ll work. So Deceit is a dark side, he lives in the dark realm, and basically the dark realm is alternate-” Virgil was stopped yet again by Logan this time.

“I knew it!” Now Logan was the one who looked proud. _Maybe he figured it out already, he’s a smart guy._ Virgil continued.

“Anyway, the dark realm is alternate to this one, so basically it’s the same layout but reversed, if that makes sense? And of course, the realm is alternate so the sides are also alternate. Basically Deceit is the opposite of a light side.” Virgil sat in the alarmed silence that followed, he hadn’t expected that to go down well.

“Wh-” Roman didn’t even get to finish his question before a chorus of voices answered it.

“Patton.”

“Patton.”

“Me.”

“Oh okay then… was it that obvious?” Roman recoiled. Virgil gave him a comforting smile.

“Yeah, it kind of is… see Patton represents morality while Deceit represents lies and deception, do you see what I mean? Alternate?” The others all nodded.

“Patton?” Virgil looked carefully at him, “Have you got anything you want to tell us about Deceit?”

Patton looked uncomfortable, he shifted in his seat, knotting his hands together.

“Er… I don’t know if I can say…” Patton’s voice was very hesitant.

Virgil moved closer to Patton and put a hand on his shoulder, “Of course you don’t have to, but why can’t you say?”

“He might… he might… punish me.. again..” Patton was almost inaudible at this point. And his gaze was directed at his hands, which were firmly entertwined in his lap.

Virgil was filled with rage. He knew exactly what was going on here.

“Patton, listen to me. We’re family. If he was going to try and hurt you, he’d risk losing the only thing he really wants. Trust me, I would never stand and let you be tortured by him, I never will.” Virgil stroked Patton’s shoulder, trying to ignore the stares from the other two he was getting.

“Thanks, Anxiety. Well, I suppose I could tell you a little bit about Deceit… for me he used to be quite sweet, he would always know if I was feeling sad and he always said the right things. I put a lot of trust in him and at times he was the only side I felt I could turn to. Over the course of our friendship though, he began leaving me for longer and longer, regardless of how I was feeling. I didn’t realise until then how much I had depended on him to help me through some of my rough times. It got to a point where I was begging him to come and stay with me, and that’s when he started using me. He said that if I did things for him, he would stay longer. If I didn’t do them like he wanted me to, he would just hit me. He would distort my memories, twist the truth, so I would believe that what I was doing was right. Even now, there’s things that still seem fuzzy to me, like I used to know what they were, but Deceit still has a control over me. I know now it was wrong, but at the time I felt like there wasn’t anyone else to turn to. Roman was always busy in the dreamscape and Logan rarely saw me for anything other than silly or childish, so I didn’t want to talk to him for fear he wouldn’t take me seriously. Anyway, days, weeks, months, probably years passed and I was still subject to the same manipulation and aggression. I was forced to do so many horrible things but I never objected to them, Deceit had me hooked around his little finger. I suppose you could say I’d lost the morality in me. And then about eight or nine years ago he just vanished. I didn’t hear from him at all until a few hours ago, when he used the trick he knew that never failed to work on me. And now we’re here. Now you know the entire story of my relationship with Deceit.” Patton was on the verge of tears, he was shaking, his hands gripping his knees, his knuckles white.

For Virgil, half of this he already knew. And the other half helped him to connect the areas that seemed unconnected to the parts that made sense.

“I know why he disappeared.” Virgil stated. “He left you to fight me.”

Everyone was speechless. Logan looked infuriated. Roman was aghast. Patton looked distraught.

“It makes sense, he found out that you depended on him, so he uses you to mess with the light sides, but then I realise what he’s doing and try to leave, and that’s why he stopped manipulating you, because he was fighting me.” _I think the only thing I’ll ever be glad Deceit did is making these guys forget about my history… and what I was…._

“Uh.. yeah, I suppose that’s right…” Patton took his glasses off and rubbed at his eyes.

“I believe I can, uh, add to your information, Patton.” Logan started, “You mentioned about getting a.. ‘fuzzy feeling’, when you think about specific things, almost as if you once had that information but it had been ripped from you? I believe I have also experienced similar.. feelings to your own. Surrounding the topics of Deceit and Anxiety.” Virgil saw that all three sides were nodding in agreement. _At least I know that Deceit’s spell to make them forget about me as what I actually was is still working, and it must be so strong that they can’t connect the dots… maybe I can go into a little more detail without them noticing?_

“Yeah, Deceit has that kind of power, he can use the power of lies to do pretty much anything… I would know..” Virgil trailed off.

There was an uncomfortable silence that filled the room momentarily as each side processed this information.

“We need to put a stop to this.” Roman spoke up.

“I agree, we should try to control this situation before it gets too much for us to handle and we end up compromising Thomas’ wellbeing.” Logan concurred.

“I.. I don’t know guys… maybe we should just tell him to stop…” Patton seemed hesitant to give his consent.

“Come on, Pat, I think we all know that Deceit won’t stop until he finally has what he wants.. And unfortunately, if we give him what he wants then we’ll lose a member of our family… because he wants me. If that wasn’t already obvious. Because we used to be friends. And he probably wants to use my power again.” Virgil stopped himself before he let on something big. He almost let out a laugh when he looked up at the others’ faces, which were a mix of shock, confusion, and fury.

“You guys look like you’ve just been told that someone died..” Virgil smirked.

“Well you effectively just did that, given that any and all attempts to subdue or control Deceit would most definitely lead to potentially irreversible harm….” Logan stated.

“So what do we do? We can’t exactly wait for him to come to our mindscape, because we would have to clear up any damage caused from any fights… but from what I can gather, I don’t think it’s really the best idea to try and find him..” Roman ran a hand through his hair absent mindedly.

They all fell silent, thinking. No one had any idea what to do, even Logan was clueless.

“Hold on.” Virgil’s eyes glinted. “Maybe going to the dark realm isn’t the worst idea…”

“You have an idea, don’t you?” Roman had picked up on Virgil’s epiphany.

Virgil nodded slowly. “I may have a plan. But we’ll need to work together to iron out some complications. We’ll need to be creative,” Roman nodded, “Logical,” Logan straightened from his place on the couch and adjusted his tie, also giving a small nod, “ but we can’t lose our sense of morals.” Patton gave a small smile.

“In other words, we need to work together, and then hopefully we may have a chance of all of us coming back. Are you in?” Virgil looked around at the three sides. They all nodded, Roman and Logan were definitely more enthusiastic than Patton, who still looked hesitant.

“Right. Let’s do this.” Virgil got up and stretched, they would be here a while.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ugh I feel so bad about leaving this for so long. I said that I wouldn't take so long to post again but here I am, this time even longer than last time... I'm so sorry, and it sucks because I can't even promise that I won't do it again, all I can say is that you'll have to bear with me while I figure things out, but anyway, on a better note, I'm so amazed that this fic has reached 2000 hits! When I posted chapter one, I never expected to write any more than five chapters, I didn't think anyone would actually read my writing. And now here we are, just over half a year later, and we're up to chapter fifteen and counting! I'm so grateful for anyone who's ever left kudos or commented, and I'm really annoyed that I can't be more consistent with my posts. Anyway, all I can say is see y'all in the near future <3

**Author's Note:**

> Well I hope you found this "entertaining"... I definitely enjoyed writing it so please please comment and tell me if I can improve or give me some ideas, it would really help!! <3


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